self-reliance

i had my taste of independence and first-hand experience of self-reliance — in 5 out of 7 days when i went to a high school about 2 hours away and even more in college in manila. i had me, myself, and i to do things. i was away from my parents and siblings, and surrounded by friends and non-relatives that, well, don’t care for you like family would.

it was also a time of self-discovery — finding out what made me tick, and what ticked me off; what made me sick and made me feel better; what worked and didn’t work on me — because i couldn’t rely on others for those things.

thank goodness i never needed to go to the hospital for anything. the weekends at home seemed to give that extra “extra” in whatever remedy i had already started. the only battle i had to face was the trip from manila to pampanga — and in hindsight, the traffic then was bearable, IMO. unlike the carmageddons we’ve had in recent times.

now, i’m “adulting”… and responsible for the growth of a little human being who’s sick as of the moment… and it seems to be a new learning experience and a phase of discovery for me. i’m still learning what works for him and what doesn’t. add the complication that he’s G6PD deficient i.e. he can’t eat certain stuff and i have to keep that in mind all the time. it’s giving me heartburn, i tell you! (lol!)

in times like these, i sometimes feel afraid of myself. because it doesn’t show the best side of me. i may not look worried but i actually am. i may act fine but that’s to show him that whatever he’s feeling, it’s not his fault and it’s to reassure him everything’s going to be alright. and when i’m away, as i am right now at work, i always wonder if the folks with him are doing things right… because i’ve learned to be self-reliant, i always think that i’m the one who knows how to do what’s right.

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