in the philippines, everyone’s going ga-ga over the 2011 Starbucks planner again. and to get this “prize”, you’ll have to spend probably around Php 2,000.00 on coffee and drinks from Starbucks. this might be easy enough for those who regularly visit the coffee shop but a tad bit difficult for non-regulars like me. so i might as well make the most out of the visit and enjoy the coffee experience. besides, the ‘prize’ won’t go to me after i’ve filled-in the sticker card! 😉
too bad i only got to grab my cellphone and not my digital camera when i was already at the overpass!
when i got off the jeep in front of NBS/Mushroomburger along katipunan, this karitela greeted me with the beautiful cow! (yep, kinikindat-kindat-an nga ako nung baka eh! LOL)
i miss those thingies… (what are they called again? i think karitela is not the real term). in the city, they seem out of place with the different vehicles zooming along the road. and the cows don’t mind. it kinda reminded me how to take things slowly nowadays. not to be bothered by everyone going and zooming and flying everywhere and just sit back a little, recline and appreciate the slow-paced, patient life.
update: i asked my dad. it’s a “gareta”!!!
and i’m sure the title got you here! haha!
and if i were in showbiz, this “status” or blog title would create waves. but i’m a nobody so it’s OK. besides, i haven’t really lost it yet! wala pang nangangahas (or nagkakamali) LOL. but if this “confession” was verbal, it would be a different story. chismis would start, right? and rumors fly fast! and we know that all too well, don’t we? kahit tama or mali yung balita, kakalat at kakalat siya. which brings me to the movie i watched last night: Easy A.
i was supposed to watch Megamind but since i could watch that safely with another person, i opted to watch something that i know *i* would enjoy.
first off, Easy A isn’t for those who are a bit too touchy about their religion or faith. some parts may have been exaggerations but what do you expect from a hollywood film from the US? it’s not meant to conform to our social standards. i guess what you see could (i’m not sure ok?) actually be happening in the schools there.
with that disclaimer, i really think the writers of Easy A were really smart. and can i just say that Emma Stone is so pretty. hot. beautiful. makes me drool. (ok, enough.)
as i was saying, the writers were pretty smart. i dunno, for a teen romantic comedy flick, it’s got brains this one. lotsa quick quips and situations that are *nudge, nudge* type of humor and more talky comedy. for example:
Marianne (the good girl): There’s a higher power that will judge you for your indecency.
Olive Penderghast (the “bad” girl): Tom Cruise?
don’t you, too? iba-iba pa yung kulay tapos iba-iba din yung ikot ng inumin mo. it makes something so mundane very exciting. would you stare at your softdrink as it rises up your striped straw? or how about your frappuccino? you can’t actually. opaque yung straws ng mga coffee shop dito eh. wouldn’t that be fun? hehe…
wala lang. mukhang nagse-second childhood ako. looking at the simple joys i can find… yung feeling ng awe and wonder and you just look at liquid going around twisty straws make you go “oooh!” as if it was the strangest and coolest thing on the planet.
i just had the best dinner i’ve had in a very long time. i sat alone, by myself, in front of the office computer, and started digging in. and instantly, i was in a state of gastronomic ecstasy. obviously i wasn’t in a fancy restaurant and you would guess that i had to “take out” food from one since this was oh-so-delicious from my description. but in reality, i was having KanKamTuy… Kanin, Kamatis, at Tuyô.
if i remember correctly, in one of Ambeth Ocampo’s Pinoy Trivia books, he mentions that the signature Filipino breakfast was not TapSiLog at all but KanKamTuy. he also said that this was Rizal’s last meal (or breakfast) or at least one of his favorite Filipino food. i’ll just have to search my baul if i could find that book. lol
isn’t it pure joy? salty fish with sweet-sour tomatoes on fluffy rice… mmm… but i guess i’ll have to be wary of being over-indulgent in this thing. alam niyo naman tayong mga tumatanda (ouch ouch ouch) pinagbabawal na ang masyadong maalat, matamis, ma-mantika, etc. hay, the perils of aging.
at bukod doon, it made me think how much i missed something so simple and, let’s admit it, cheap that even the idea of eating the expensive and “extra-special” food from select ingredients, meats and prepared by trained chefs at Mandarin Oriental (yun palang kasi ang hotel na nakakainan ko ng masarap na pagkain) couldn’t bring me to spend my money there despite knowing how good the food is!
i just step back, stare at the tuyô, think how blessed i am to be receiving this special meal, and dig in again.
ang daming pwedeng sabihin. ang daming pwedeng isipin. you can tell, this is another cryptic post… or should it be a cryptic one? pwede naman kasing sabihin lahat. bakit ba? blog ko ‘to. these are my thoughts. pero ayokong maka-sakit. siguro yung sa part ko na lang yung sasabihin ko. mas madali yun,i guess.
ano’ng meron? i’m single. well, pseudo-single lang. ewan ko ba. we’re “friends”. this is the first relationship i’ve been in and i don’t know where i am. as far as i’m concerned, i should be with somebody or not. A or B. black or white. i don’t see how there could be a gray area. am i courting a girl to be “mine” or protecting what i have now from another? ano’ng pinaglalaban ko? sino’ng kalaban ko? am i fighting for our mutual love to continue? am i fighting for my love that she would accept it? am i fighting against the wrong things in our relationship? or is there someone i’m competing with? and it hurts to not know where i am. it’s confusing.
the conspiracy theorist in me tells me a lot of things. for example, how this “friendly” stage could turn for the worse. the fear i have is the ending would be “see? we’re OK as friends naman pala. we can still talk. we can still have fun. so let’s stay friends na lang.” it’s the easy transition from being together to being friends with an ex. and maybe it’s because i didn’t do enough. i didn’t fight hard enough. it’s my fault. that’s what i’m afraid of. it’s what kept me up last night until 2AM and it’s the first thought i had when i woke up at 5AM.
and while in this “limbo” state, i’m thinking how quiet my love must have been. i don’t know. i’m not the type who’s too showy, i guess. or i was just too quiet for too long.
yesterday, just before signing out of work, she told me “text me when you get home.”
“i can’t.” i replied. she asked “why?”
“i’m home only when i’m with you.”
you see, after work or when i go back to the province on weekend, i always text her “i’m at the boarding house” or “nandito na po sa ‘bale‘ (‘house’ in kapampangan)”. i never texted “i’m home” whenever i get to these places. i guess it just never got across. the love was too quiet.
i skip meals sometimes. i never tell her unless i’m really strapped for cash. i still get sick. i feel tired on some days. i can get frustrated with work as well but i try to be as problem-free as possible. why? because i don’t want to burden her of any additional problems. she already has depression to deal with because of her dermatitis. she has insecurities about her skin and her figure. she sometimes thinks she’s stupid because she can’t finish the work assigned to her. imagine all of these happening at the same time. what would my whine about my headache do to make her feel better? how could me going hungry just for a night compare to her sleepless, itchy evenings before going to bed? i can drink water for that. i can bear the pain. it’s not like a bleeding wound gushing blood. i could say “i’m OK” only because i know she feels worse than i did. was this too silent to feel love, too?
i could never be “loud” in my appreciation for her. the “loudest” i got was to get her a laptop. and she even had to pay almost half the price of the thing because i was too poor to pay for the installment for 6 months. i didn’t give flowers simply because i couldn’t afford them. i have a useless “autosavings” bank account that automatically transfers Php 1,000 monthly from my payroll account every payday but i end up withdrawing the same amount from the account just after a week. i tried to make up for the lack of flowers by meeting her where she worked. i was more flexible with my time so i could leave early from work in Katipunan to meet up with her in Makati. she would come over to QC from time to time when time permitted. i consider those moments with her setting foot on QC as one of the most miraculous things in life. 😛
weekend trips to pampanga back to mum and dad are one of the things i looked forward to every week. i could be with my parents and my siblings for two days. my parents aren’t getting younger and ever since high school, i’ve been away from them on weekdays. it’s one of my simplest and greatest joys to be in pampanga. and to have to spend that time in manila is something i consider very special. i don’t want to spend that time here as much as possible. but sometimes i spend the time here. even if it’s just a movie in gateway, a trip to the dentist, window shopping in megamall, i consider that time to be extra precious. would that have been too quiet, still?
i know, nagmumukhang defensive lang ako. and i am. only because i thought i loved her enough. i have done enough. i have sacrificed enough. but the answer is obvious: i haven’t. otherwise, why would i be in so much pain right now when i should be happy loving her? i was just too quiet.
…and if it fails, maybe it wasn’t love after all.