in my quest to get back into biking again, i finally gave myself some time and self-love and didn’t do house chores in the morning. instead, i went to the bicycle store and bought the hardware that interrupted my ‘balik-alindog program X year counting’. hahaha
i dreamt of you last night. or was it the night before? i can’t remember anymore. we were just having a chat. a casual conversation. i told you we hadn’t talked like this in a long time.
and then everything just disappeared. i was awake. and i remembered you are not here anymore. you are in your forever happy place, with an angel with you.
maybe it’s nothing, maybe it’s something. i don’t know. and as i write this blog today, it only creeps in more and tells me one truth: i miss you.
sabi ng post na nakita ko, yung mga Noisy sa klase noong High School eh sila ngayon ang sikat dahil sa pagba-vlog. sila ngayon yung malakas kumita dahil sa ad revenues ng YouTube. kaso, di ako ganoon. sinubukan ko for a while and i got a little burned out/stressed out… or kung ano-ano kasi pinag-gagawa ko kaya parang trabaho talaga siya. walang motivation.
but i guess mali lang talaga motivation ko: pera. i mean, from my POV, it’s “easy money”. shoot, edit, upload… that’s it. i can do it in my free time… or whenever i can lang. no pressure. but i was pushing myself a bit kasi maliit lang sweldo ng mga
then a couple of weeks back, i felt so burdened. it wasn’t just this ‘extra stuff’ weighing me down… i felt like life was just this big thing i didn’t want to deal with everyday. i wasn’t in a ‘happy place’ let’s just say that.
then i started to actively blog again, keeping the edit button off and the censorship scissors at bay. thoughts free flowing from my mind to my fingertips to the keyboard to the computer screen… and after a few days, i feel much better. not completely OK yet but i feel better because i am “me” again. i found myself again. i may not be able to vlog but i can still blog pala.
the Lord is testing my resolve. or is it the devil?
nilinis na namin yung gilid ng bahay dahil nagiging “mini-bodega” na siya. nagiging magkakaibigan na nga mga ‘kapitbahay’ namin eh: mga daga, pusa, at ipis. sobrang dami na nilang oras tumambay doon.
one of the things na nakatambak ay yung bike kong niregalo pa ni A way back when… 2006 or 2007 pa yata yun eh. it’s the big, heavy-framed mountain bike na uso noon; very different from the bikes on sale today. still, being able to use it again is very fulfilling and makes me proud that despite the abuse and lack of care, it still survives today.
it was quite useful during our little one’s bout with fever a few days ago. palengke- and pharmacy-runs were a breeze despite having to fiddle with the gears a bit. all in all, it was a convenience to just hop on it and go, buy whatever needed buying, and then come back home quick enough. bonus na yung exercise! Magpatuloy magbasa back to biking, and back to the couch
I’ve read somewhere that music does wonders to the brain, and it even ‘repairs’ it. It also literally changes your physical brain — well, at least learning an instrument does. But I’ve noticed that I haven’t been listening to a lot of music recently. My usual morning radio show has changed a lot (I’m definitely becoming a member of #TitosOfManila) that I almost cannot relate to the new music. I listen to more retro stations now, but it’s never always the music I like.
Today, I tried to rekindle my fondness for classical music, but I wanted something other than Strauss and Beethoven but still relatable. Then, I remembered the Boston Pops Orchestra so I searched for any concert or playlist they may have online. I was not disappointed:
So now, it’s past 5pm, I’m putting it on full blast! Ok fine, not full blast, but it’s still pretty loud. I’m trying to wake up my sleeping braincells, OK? LOL! If they don’t wake up, at least I’m drowning out my other negative thoughts in positive, good music!