nature hates vacuums. if it finds a vacuum, it fills it right up with something — air, water — to create a ‘stable’ environment. well, at least according to Aristotle (though DeGrasse Tyson disagrees).

but i think that’s what i’m in right now. or it’s what i have. i have this vacuum of happiness and it’s been fighting my last bit of will. a lack of happiness creates a state of unhappiness. unfortunately, not everything that goes into the vacuum can fill the void. filling it with the wrong things can immediately turn it into a black hole of unhappiness.

i know that food won’t fill my deepest hunger. i know that money won’t buy my deepest desires. i know accumulating stuff will never be enough. nothing satisfies. and this is why i feel so tired, i guess. i feel tired fighting these feelings, because i know that once i give in, satisfaction will only be temporary and will not last. and then the hunger comes back again. it will never end.

i was never this tired. i have never reached this state of unhappiness before. i have never been this worried.

what has changed?

i may need to retreat one of these days. but i’m afraid of the answers i will get.

beep(TM) me aboard!

dati, sabi ni GMA, magiging 1 na lang ticketing system ng LRT and MRT. if i remember correctly, “Strong Republic Transit” ang tinawag niya sa sistema na pag-iisahin ang mga mass transit systems at kasama ang ticketing system dun. natanggal na siya’t patapos na ang term ng bagong presidente, ngayon palang nagkakatotoo yung pangako na ‘to.

well, better late than never i guess.

ang convenient kasi ng iisa lang ang hawak mong card/ticket for your travels. hong kong and singapore had these way ahead of us. ngayon, sa bansang 3rd world, nagiging semi-standard na siya sa modern modes of transportation — GreenFrog, COMET — and even fastfood with the HappyPlus Card of Jollibee.

nagkaroon na rin naman ng tap-and-go system sponsored by Globe and KitKat but they never sustained it. di ko alam bakit. maybe dahil sa MRT lang siya? maybe dahil ganoon din naman ang haba ng pila sa turnstile — walang special lane like ECtag sa NLEX? ewan ko. it didn’t fly.

finally, the single ticketing system is on its way in the metro. and i’m one of the early adopters just because i believe in the system, despite its kinks. this is a step in the ways forward, IMO.


yes, i keep my card in a coin purse. seems durable enough. actually, di yun ang unang concern ko eh. i was thinking the metal in the coins might interfere with the tap system when i use it. apparently even with a lot of coins, the turnstile can read the card inside the coin purse with the coins inside. cool!

commuter ka din ba kagaya ko? kamusta ang beep experience?

ispeyshal [emergency] lumpia

when your “race’s” reputation precedes you, it’s pretty difficult to stand up to some standards already present. they expect you to shine, excel, or surpass every person they’ve previously met.

i’m kapampangan. i was born and raised in pampanga. and the reputation for being great cooks is the first thing that non-kapampangans assume. “shame on the kapampangan who does not know how to cook!”

but i think there are just certain things we do that makes us ‘excellent cooks’. one does not necessarily come with the cooking gene in his or her DNA. you get the creativity gene or the OC gene instead and just apply it to cooking. i believe you are one of these: you are strict with the ingredients (completeness, quality, amounts, etc.) or you experiment (e.g. mixing ingredients, spices and cuisine) on purpose or by pure circumstance.

and this lumpia recipe carries with it this story:

during our fiesta, we underestimated the number of guests to arrive. by late afternoon, almost all the food was gone. we had to serve something to our relatives arriving early evening. all the meat — pork and chicken — were already cooked and served. we couldn’t serve hotdogs or canned corned beef could we? Magpatuloy magbasa ispeyshal [emergency] lumpia