don’t take my sunshine away

you all remember Goldie, right? No? Read this, then.

Updated? Good.

Fast forward to last night, I couldn’t believe what I saw and read: Goldie is battling it out with cancer. She had mastectomy done last May and that’s how they learned about the HER2 StageII cancer.

I honestly don’t know where to begin.

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine

Goldie {image from her GoGetFunding page}

she was my special girl in HS. she was my sunshine. and even if it wasn’t mutual then, and now i’ve married and she’s to-be-married (!!!), we know that these people, they occupy that one place in our memories and hearts.

hindi ko na siya mahal gaya ng dati. pero dahil minsan ay minahal ko siya, iba pa din yung takot, pag-aalala, at pangamba na nararamdaman ko.

at our age, di ba dapat hindi ito ang pino-problema namin? that should come later in life, when we’re all wrinkly, old and grey. yung mga sakit-sakit na yan, dapat pag matanda ka na saka lang sila magka-permiwo na dumapo sa tao. hindi ngayon.

it’s not fair.

andaming masasamang tao sa mundo, bakit di na lang sila? ang daming pangit ang ugali, bakit di na lang sila? andaming ibang tao na mas deserving sa ganitong mga bagay. hindi si Goldie.

and then i always remember Romans 8:28. “We know that in everything God works for good with those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose.”

Please pray for her. if you can, please help her win this fight.

my PARA HERO blunder on #MMshakedrill

that was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. right up there with getting half-naked on-stage in gradeschool for a song-interpretation contest. (ok, i think that’s TMI.) hahaha

so today, the #MMShakeDrill happened. people from work participated and i was one of the Evacuation Guides during the drill. as an amateur radio operator as well, i was participating in PARA’s Ham Emergency Radio Operations (HERO). i’m used to the evening net calls of amateur radio clubs such as PUP, EVM, and ARMI. but this was the first time i was getting into PARA and i wasn’t prepared. it’s exhilarating and really way fast-paced compared to evening net calls. and in my panic, i blurted QRZ (i.e. who is calling?) instead of QSL (i acknowledge). gah! and anyone on the frequency heard that! how embarrassing!

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also, i forgot to keep a logbook. i was too busy doing too much stuff — split between participating in the earthquake drill activities at work and in my hobby. *sigh*

well, this being my first time, i guess i should cut myself some slack. i almost never get to practice my hobby anyway. just net calls, no QSOs. pati ba naman sa radyo, socially awkward pa din ako? hay naku…

i hope i learn from this. and next shake drill or in the event of an actual emergency, i’ll be better prepared. it’s better to know your mistakes now that it’s just a drill than have to fumble when the “big one” actually happens.

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what does an “emergency radio operation” sound like? here’s what i recorded!

a refreshing perspective

in the past 2 afternoons, i had the time to take relaxing walks. i got to stare at stuff blankly — and just appreciate them for how they look. mababaw lang naman pero parang nagpapaka-“deep” na naman ako i guess.

after buying lunch, i looked up at the trees and saw how differently “textured” they are in the office. spiky, fluffy, and colorfully noisy. i wish i had my camera with me just to let you see what i’m talking about.

then this afternoon as i was going to get a snack, i looked at the flyover along katipunan avenue above the aurora intersection and saw the repeating pattern of lampposts and thought how great it would be in a picture. walking further, the image of jeepneys parked under the flyover was another ‘kodak moment’. i wish i had brought even my phone for those kinds of stuff. sayang.

returning to the office after my merienda, i was walking behind a dad holding his daughter’s hand as they walked along the pergola of ateneo grade school. the dad pulled a stroller on the other hand while the little girl had a gigantic pink backpack.

and in all those moments, i was smiling. yes, i wished i had a camera to capture them. but it was enough for me to see them, realize how great those moments were, and now are in my head, making me smile today.

i could blog about how sick i feel today, or how taking care of my son, who i probably shared the virus with now, is such a bummer because i haven’t recovered from sleep yet. look what i thought of blogging today! i guess i need to thank Mar once again for this. and Apocalypse. 😛 HAHAHAHA!

here come the reinforcements!

technically, hindi. pero i think the Universe is giving me a hint. it’s Day 3 of Mar Roxas’ “Thank You Tour” and so far, it’s been a hit with me. though the skeptic in me says it’s a PR stunt/just a group of PR people doing it, it still spoke to me how to enjoy blogging again — and how others might enjoy reading my blogs too. hindi puro ka-nega-han lang forevs.

there’s no strain in the text. hindi nagpapaka-profound or anything. it’s really just notes, anecdotes, and pictures of a trip. there are even “thought bullets” ng random stuff. and they seem genuine and it’s really fun to read and see Mar Roxas ‘live a little’, you know? specially with all the toxicity i get from work and even just the news all around.

so, yeah. i thought of letting my guard down. now i think i made the right decision just because Mar’s “travel blog” reinforces that thought.

that put a smile on my face today. 🙂 happy thoughts!

here’s a sample post from his Facebook Page c/o Spot.ph:

when illness is no excuse to stop loving

minsan, sumusuko din ang katawang-lupa dahil sa abusong nakukuha nito. madalas, ang kailangan lang naman ay pahinga, pagkain, at sapat na oras ng tulog. care comes second (or fourth? :P).

living independently for the longest time has made me sort of self-reliant, specially in college. but when i get sick and personal remedies don’t seem to work, i looked forward to the weekend where i get to go home and drop everything and just be a sick patient.

like all that transpire in this world, some good things must come to an end — when others’ priorities come second to yours, when “curing” your flu by getting rest is relegated to the back burner and letting your child have his fun playing with you is front and center, when completing your work hours comes second to giving your wife her time to sleep and recover from her own illnesses.

it’s washing the dishes despite the wounds on your hands. it’s cooking your week’s worth of lunch and dinner even when you’re dead tired from frustration racking your brain for a solution to your problem you can’t seem to fix.

and i need reminding of that today. that love isn’t just that feeling you had when you first met. it’s not just that thing you do in bed. it’s everywhere and you should see it outside of yourself.

blteresacalcutta

Ibarra Watches is Episode 6! Imagine that? Naka-anim na ako!

Akalain mo yun? 6 podcast episodes in 1 year! 😛 hahahaha

then again, i’ve encountered technical difficulties because Windows. 😦 still, i get to share my thoughts this way to everyone and anyone willing to listen. 🙂

so here’s to another 6 episodes or more! 🙂

Apocalypse: my hero

Just finished watching X-Men: Apocalypse from )(*&$@(*&^ (looks like WordPress doesn’t want to reveal my sources! :P) and had a great build-up but didn’t quite reach the climax that i wanted. parang kwitis na supot. it flew off with such a great story but blew up in a flat “pop!” like a burst bubble. i was a bit lost where everything was in the story but it was entertaining enough.

but that isn’t my takeaway from the movie: Apocalypse just became my villain-hero. not because of what he did in the movie but because of his objective: to renew everything!

life is stressful. all the bright sunshine of my former blog has become a place to vent and rant most of the time. there are some slivers of fun time but they are becoming rarer. still, this may seem dark but it just made me realize that to renew the world i have now, i really need four red horse beers! 😛 hahaha!

renewing may mean having to letting all my defense arsenal down. get rid of my “nukes” and just lay back and take it easy — live the way i used to and live simply, nary a care in the world. have fun (destroying worlds).  perhaps i overcomplicate and overthink things now. i think that’s how older people get jaded. *shrug*

i need a less stressful life. a less tired body and a more nourished soul.