grant me temperance

we’ve recently started a novena at work and aside from institutional requests, there is also a time for personal intercessions. i’m for the ‘generic requests’ often times because, well, i’ve never really thought about it. i would ask for good health, more money, and world peace. 😛

in the past few weeks, i’ve been dealing with personal demons and have come to the conclusion that i’ve been addicted to pleasure for the longest time. that’s why i eat a lot. that’s why i’m often buying stuff. that’s why i like fast internet *wink, wink*. these temporary pleasures are the things i use to drown out my unhappiness. in food, we call this ’emotional eating’ — we eat our sorrows away. and it’s such a vicious cycle that i do feel that it is an addiction and at a certain level, a demonic possession.

Magpatuloy magbasa grant me temperance

4 months unlicensed

as you know, i’ve been a licensed amateur radio operator since 2015 and just like a driver’s license, it expires and requires renewal. unfortunately, i’ve not been as active as i would like to be because of so many reasons. and since my license expires on June 2018, i’ve currently been unlicensed for 4 months now. what am i missing out on?

well, not much really. save for some VHF activities (i.e. net calls, emergency drills), i’m not missing a lot with my expired license. however, if you count on the things i’m not involved in (HF, DXing), i would say a lot! but equipment for these types of communications is expensive. as. in. expensive.

also, time is complicated. weekends are for chores and ‘duty days’ for our son (my in-laws take care of him on weekdays), so EBs, meetups, etc. are considered a luxury, temporally speaking.

renewing a license is done on weekdays. i can’t leave work for that. also, i would need proof that i’ve been an active ham. who would certify that for me when i’ve haven’t been at any activity? 😦

oh well, much as i would like, ham radio might not have been the hobby i need right now.

everything means little to nothing

this is what i realized last wednesday… that sometimes, those ‘big deal’ sacrifices are totally meaningless to some people. now i think of all the things i’ve done that i thought were *something* but may end up meaning nothing at all…

i’ve been extending the life of most of the stuff i own. well, simply because i can’t afford to replace them. having to struggle with them, inventing ingenious ways to repair and breathe new/more life into them, now it all seems futile. why?

because in the end, you’ll still replace them anyway. you’ll spend money and that’s the bottom-line. you really don’t ‘save money’. you just delay spending it. that’s what other people think anyway.

maybe i’m doing it wrong. maybe trying to salvage something doesn’t mean anything. it might be time to change my mind again.