Mourning and weeping in this valley of tears.

endless, endless tears today…

much like when i heard of Courageous Catie, almost a year ago. and today, i’m doing the same thing again with another pair of little angels who’ve earned their wings.

this morning, A broke the news to me about Mighty Eli. and it reminded me that even when my son was discharged from the hospital, a healthy boy, and just turned 2 years old, it is no assurance that you won’t get sick.

Catie and Eli always remind me of that. and that makes me so fearful of the future and yet prayerful that we won’t experience it.

then this late afternoon, a cousin reacted to a post that i just had to click: Natalie was also called home. the words that totally broke me were these:

She’s currently being cleaned by her nurses, and then she’ll be placed in her father’s arms until her last breath.

If I were the father, i would be an inconsolable wreck. If relating to the father makes it already THIS painful, how much more if i were in his shoes…

so, now, i’m crying again at the office. (hope no one tries to check up on me again! haha! how embarrassing!) and i will pray for the little angels again, and for the parents and family they’ll be watching over from now on.

Tell Me, Rep. Lagman

Tell Me, Rep. Lagman

The way I understand it:
1. A fertilized ovum is not a human person/being.
2. Only human person has human rights
3. Abortion is illegal for humans, not ‘living organisms’
4. Supreme Court doesn’t want to define ‘conception’ in relation to Article II Sec. 12 (i.e. fertilization? implantation?)
5. If it’s not a human person and not yet ‘conceived’, it’s practically legal to terminate it.
6. Abortion made legal.

staring blankly

i’m expecting this to happen to me today and tomorrow. why? i just downloaded the recorded oral arguments of the supreme court on the RH Law and plan to listen to them in my commute. i just listened to the first 55 minutes of the first day (July 9, 2013) and it was an interesting talk on “when does life begin?”. i wish i could take down notes on what is being said and pick the minds of those reacting on twitter. of course, i have my religious side on the matter but i’m curious.

remembering the past

actually, gusto ko lang naman kasi i-remind ang sarili ko about my unofficial motto in life… “never on a Sunday.”

i used to work my schedule around all the other days of the week and keep Sunday clear. when i still lived with my parents and would go home to Pampanga every weekend, i would stay in Manila only until Friday evening and would only sacrifice Saturday if it was only necessary. and when i started to work, Saturday mornings were for work and I would go home by lunch. it was important for me that by Sunday, I would be in Pampanga. i would refuse barkada gatherings that would make me stay late on Saturdays, even if it were for free.

it was not a conscious observance of the Third Commandment. it was just the way i planned things (note i use the word “planned” very very very loosely). i went to mass. i rested. but i still did chores — cleaning, sweeping the yard, gardening, bathing the dogs. and even if i did these things, i had enough energy to last the work week.

now, i could barely make it past Thursday. this week, in particular. today, i’m just draggin myself to the finish line and i’ve still got work to do!

am i just growing old? i don’t really feel old. i just feel tired. or maybe that’s rheumatoid arthitis. !!!

but i have this belief deep inside of me that i should just go back to what i always did and keep everything scheduled around that Sunday that was so precious to me.

i guess that’s my target for this 2013.

Floods in my hometown

Haven’t been thinking clearly these past few days. Rains haven’t let up since last week and has saturated the soil and overwhelmed the river system.

this is the latest news that i got online. i’m planning to go there tomorrow or next week if it’ll be accessible. last i heard was you needed a boat to reach our old house right now since all roads are flooded. trucks who transport people in the town are very few and often filled because of people looking for food and water.

is miss universe 2011 streaming online?

grabe, tumitigil talaga ang pag-inog ng mundo ng sangkabadingan kapag may beauty pageant — lalo na kapag ang pinag-uusapan ay ang Miss Universe 2011. i’m pretty sure maraming naghahanap ng live streaming today. unang-unang bati nga sa akin ng officemate ko today ay, “may alam kang streaming website?” natawa na lang talaga ako… lalo na’t hindi siya bading kagaya ko. choz! hahaha!

i remember last year when that video of the four fan-friends of Miss Philippines Venus Raj went viral and even made it to international news! pero hanggang ganoong level na lang ba ang pag-abot naten sa international news? ewan ko lang ha. yes, natawa din ako pero di naman talaga bonggang bongga (as in the Tagalog translation of “major, major”). i just wish that one day umabot tayo sa international news na may kabuluhan naman yung balita. fine, KJ na ako kung KJ. pero diba? i wish the news that makes it to the news is something that *really* matters. parang EDSA Revolution… ganun.

pero bakit ba ako napunta dun? haha! anyway, be advised that if you’re in the Philippines, please visit your local salons or have your mani/pedi done after 12 noon or something. and please check your employees. sabi nga nila, yung matagal na ninyong pinagdududahan sa opisina? kapag umabsent today, alam na! 😛

my other de-motivation for supporting this RH bill

RH Bill is making its rounds again in the news and now have warranted their own “TV Specials” on the larger networks because of the popularity(?) or notoriety of the topic. this morning, i thought of listening to the morning news program because i don’t have a TV where i stay.

in an interview with Neil Ocampo on Radyo5, Rep. Edcel Lagman, the RH Bill’s principal author, defended the motivation of the bill. one thing that i could not reconcile with my conscience was his first reason: reduction of maternal and infant mortality rates.

yes, from the face of it, you would think that i would be narrow-minded. what’s wrong with reducing maternal and infant mortality rates? shouldn’t that be a goal if we are to be caring and humane? but here’s the clincher in his explanation:

because we have high maternal and infant mortality rates, we should lower this rate. (not a problem with me there.) because pregnancies cause maternal and infant mortality, we should prevent pregnancies. (uh-oh).

is pregnancy to be treated as a disease?

cancer causes people to die. to reduce the rate at which people die of cancer, we prevent cancer.
people die of TB. to lower this rate, we vaccinate against TB. so does this mean because pregnancies cause death we should prevent pregnancies? religious or not, do you really consider pregnancy, that baby in your womb, is a disease?

pro-RH bill say that there should be no ‘baby’ to speak of because condoms prevent the meeting of the sperm and the egg. but the motivation for such thinking — that pregnancy is a ‘disease’ to be prevented — does not sit well with me.

again, i am for reproductive health and responsible parenthood. but this mentality, this motivation for a bill that will require me follow once it’s enacted into law is wrong.