notorious

i’ve become the “lazada guy” in the office.
it’s official coz the delivery guys know me already! LOL

aside from the usual delivery stuff (i.e. diapers), there are other stuff i seem to find online and want to try out. di naman lahat. yung iba talaga kailangan naman. pero di ko mapigilan minsan yung ibang bagay… coz they’re so freakin’ cheap!

kaya minsan masyadong nakaka-engganyo ang online shopping. as much as possible, i try to stick to stuff that are useful and things that i actually need.

for example: first aid kit.

who really bothers with one? then i remembered we have a little pumpkin running around all the time. so i bought one. would it be cheaper to just buy individual items? not really… and then you have to keep going to the store to buy more stuff when you forget one item. at least with one kit, you have almost everything already in one neat package.

then there’s this latest one: a wifi repeater.

we have the wifi router on the first floor. di na umaabot yung signal sa kwarto sa taas. naghanap ako sa CDR King pero i found one cheaper on lazada. so far, since this morning, it was working! sana lang magtagal.

these small stuff get delivered pa-isa-isa at times at work. and sometimes, some people ask me to order something for them. my sister had me buy her external HDD on lazada. an officemate naman nakisabay ng delivery ng paper shredder and earphones. syempre, they’re delivered under my name but they aren’t actually mine!

iniisip ko tuloy na akala nila mayaman na ako. far from it! juice colored… kung yung sweldo dito… anyway, ayun. i have this reputation now sa office and sa lazada delivery guys. and i kinda feel uncomfortable. ayoko ng ganitong recognition… i mean i prefer to just be a wallflower. ewan ko. i think i’m happier to be anonymous.

#dramangteenager πŸ˜›

airing dirty laundry

why can’t i do it again?

siguro dahil dati, single ako, kaya ok lang. siguro dahil dati bata pa ako. walang mawawala sa akin kung sabihin ko mga problema ko sa ibang tao.

and probably that’s what kept me sane! hahaha!

pero iba na ngayon. nag-mature na nga ba ako talaga kaya naiisip ko yung “self-preservation”? hindi na lang kasi ako ang iniisip ko. hay….

siguro mabuti pang mag-diary na lang ulit. uso pa ba yun ngayon?

(big) family day

it’s not often that my side of the family get to visit us here in manila. so after we had our minor house renovation done and had it blessed last saturday, we had the opportunity to tour my two sisters’ families at Venice Grand Canal Mall.

i’ve been to Venice a couple of years back, thanks to a sponsored training-workshop, and i jokingly told them that “this is obviously an immitation of Venice. it’s too clean!”

but it does have that feel… my sisters’ friends ask on facebook, after posting the pictures, “are you in Macau?” mistaking it for The Venetian Macao hotel. πŸ˜€

i’m actually more happy for my parents, who are in their 70s now. they would find it hard to travel and see other parts of the world as i already have. well, it’s just 5 other countries (India, Singapore, Malaysia, Hong Kong, and Italy) but it’s still more than their trip score: 0. even if it’s not the real deal, i’m pretty sure they were entertained how different it is to the common buildings and architecture they’ve seen around pampanga and manila.

after an hour of just lounging around, we head back to pampanga. (i have violin practice the next day)

it was fun having a family day that didn’t involve just the three of us. and as i get older, i wish more and more that these bonding moments we have as siblings will become more frequent. πŸ™‚

 

another year, another year worth of memories

anak, isang taon na naman nakalipas.

ilang gabing puyatan na naman, ilang diaper na naman ang pinalitan.

ilang damit na ba ang nilabhan? damit na bago at damit na kinalakihan.

ilang beses na rin ba kita napagalitan? pero lagi pa rin kitang pinapatahan

dahil isang tingin lang, alam kong wala kang kasalanan.

(pagod lang at stressed si daddy, ako nga dapat ang mag-sorry)

isang taon na naman ang dumaan. isang bagay lang dapat mong tandaan:

mahal na mahal na mahal kita.

pagbigyan mo na ako habang bata ka pa. dahil kapag teenager ka na,

itong mga ganitong bagay di ko na magagawa. πŸ˜›

pagod lang

sabi nga sa kanta ng eraserheads:

1457978273330and you just keep trying, and trying. even if naiiyak na ako ngayon. iniisip ko na pagod lang ako (kahit na long weekend! haha!)

naiiyak dahil you get that feeling of never doing anything right. naiiyak dahil you have that feeling of making a wrong decision. naiiyak because of frustration dahil akala mo that that was the right decision.

to remove the vagueness of the post, ganito kasi yun: (1) A has allergies. and a lot of things trigger these allergies. (2) we’re living in 2 houses because of our situation with our toddler — our current house and the in-laws’. the temporary schedule is: weekdays at in-laws, weekends at home.

aside from the toddler, A isn’t keen on staying because the house isn’t in tiptop condition. bawal siya ma-stress kaso nase-stress siya sa bahay.

anyway, for a time, she couldn’t sleep because of the heat of summer. i was hoping to get the A/C repaired but in the end, we bought a new one instead. got sick a couple of times the past few months so everything seemed to just go downhill from there since i couldn’t maintain a cleaning and fixing-up schedule. piles of clothes, both dirty and clean, were just lying around. and not soon after, monsoon season started and we’ve been having leaks all over the house. and with not-so-good ventilation, you get molds soon enough specially when the sun don’t shine for a while. of course, you can imagine the amount of stress A encounters everyday coming home to such a messy house.

she can’t do anything about it since she’ll fluff up the dust and cause her more allergies.

mean time, i was swamped because of the backlog of things to do since i got sick. i never got to fixing it and maintaining any of it. i’d keep it one day and then just forget it the next.

so now, a sort of ‘compromise’ is set — we spend weekdays at our in-laws, so she can still relax a bit and not just be a solo-parent at home with our son, while getting things done in the house. on weekends, we get to sleep in our own house to give lolo and lola a break. this is actually just step 1. the real plan is to move in completely after renovations are made. we’ll live in the 2nd floor and lolo and lola will be on the ground floor with tito. the other house? it’s going to be a garage for the mean time.

today, A asked me to buy medicine. because her allergies are worse and are probably infected. (not to be too graphic: when you’re infected, your white blood cells get active and… you know what happens to infected wounds right?) so yeah. she attributes it to the beddings and pillows. and here i thought all along that sleeping comfortably in our airconditioned room was better for her to sleep in since our in-laws’ room was hot and humid even at night. what makes me feel worse is that she told me she was healing quite well when we spent our nights at our in-laws. every turn, every decision, a mistake.

the worst part perhaps is that feeling of uselessness. inutile. that she’s better off somewhere else. and that hurts.

either “meron” ako today or pagod lang ako.

siguro nga, pagod lang.

puro ka na lang reklamo

I’ve read somewhere today this thing:

“Repeated complaining rewires your brain to make future complaining more likely. Over time, you find it’s easier to be negative than to be positive, regardless of what’s happening around you. Complaining becomes your default behavior, which changes how people perceive you.”

which i realized was just one of my phases these past months. all my posts seemed so gloomy. of course, it did reflect how i was feeling those days, being surrounded by complaints. however, i always forget that it is not just a choice to ignore or not be affected by all the negativity. if you accept them and offer them up, they become more bearable. and once you offer them up, you begin to see slivers of light, and then smile a little.

THEN it becomes your responsibility to pursue that light. even if the complaints are never ending. when everyone is so negative, you can be that positive force for everyone. draining? yes, of course it is. tiring? definitely. but when i think about it in another perspective, i feel somewhat happier — they choose to tell you things instead of telling another person. you are the “lucky” one. πŸ˜›

so, despite the rains, i manage to smile. even if everything’s leaking in the house, i still find reason to be thankful. even if i hear complaints all the time, i still listen as attentively as i could. why? because i was chosen to be the “lucky, special” person someone complains to.

my grandfather’s hands

P_20160710_134750

here’s a picture of a picture of my grandfather who i never got to see alive. but a lot of things around our old house in Pampanga tell me a lot about him, from what my father would often narrate to me.

the sewing machine he used when they were making curtains and RTW that they’d bring to Tutuban in Manila via train. The monocle he used for repairing watches. the plow when they used to farm the land. the bow and clay bar he used when polishing and cleaning jewelry. the chisels he used when making ladders from the bamboo in our backyard. the violin he played during processions.

his hands were busy, skilled hands. they were the hands of a hard-working man.

thinking about this makes me feel like i really have big shoes to fill. or at least, i have this proud heritage that i want to preserve and keep.

my father could do much of what my grandfather did. and my father added one more — he repaired electrical appliances. of course, you needed to know a bit more about electronics, soldering, etc. and these he passed on to me as well. i never got to learn how to repair watches though. hehe… but i inherited lolo’s violin playing, something my father did not. so i guess we’re even. πŸ™‚