grant me temperance

we’ve recently started a novena at work and aside from institutional requests, there is also a time for personal intercessions. i’m for the ‘generic requests’ often times because, well, i’ve never really thought about it. i would ask for good health, more money, and world peace. 😛

in the past few weeks, i’ve been dealing with personal demons and have come to the conclusion that i’ve been addicted to pleasure for the longest time. that’s why i eat a lot. that’s why i’m often buying stuff. that’s why i like fast internet *wink, wink*. these temporary pleasures are the things i use to drown out my unhappiness. in food, we call this ’emotional eating’ — we eat our sorrows away. and it’s such a vicious cycle that i do feel that it is an addiction and at a certain level, a demonic possession.

Continue reading grant me temperance


4 months unlicensed

as you know, i’ve been a licensed amateur radio operator since 2015 and just like a driver’s license, it expires and requires renewal. unfortunately, i’ve not been as active as i would like to be because of so many reasons. and since my license expires on June 2018, i’ve currently been unlicensed for 4 months now. what am i missing out on?

well, not much really. save for some VHF activities (i.e. net calls, emergency drills), i’m not missing a lot with my expired license. however, if you count on the things i’m not involved in (HF, DXing), i would say a lot! but equipment for these types of communications is expensive. as. in. expensive.

also, time is complicated. weekends are for chores and ‘duty days’ for our son (my in-laws take care of him on weekdays), so EBs, meetups, etc. are considered a luxury, temporally speaking.

renewing a license is done on weekdays. i can’t leave work for that. also, i would need proof that i’ve been an active ham. who would certify that for me when i’ve haven’t been at any activity? 😦

oh well, much as i would like, ham radio might not have been the hobby i need right now.

everything means little to nothing

this is what i realized last wednesday… that sometimes, those ‘big deal’ sacrifices are totally meaningless to some people. now i think of all the things i’ve done that i thought were *something* but may end up meaning nothing at all…

i’ve been extending the life of most of the stuff i own. well, simply because i can’t afford to replace them. having to struggle with them, inventing ingenious ways to repair and breathe new/more life into them, now it all seems futile. why?

because in the end, you’ll still replace them anyway. you’ll spend money and that’s the bottom-line. you really don’t ‘save money’. you just delay spending it. that’s what other people think anyway.

maybe i’m doing it wrong. maybe trying to salvage something doesn’t mean anything. it might be time to change my mind again.

can’t change glasses

i’m not sure how long i’ve been wearing my old glasses now (see postscript). most of the time, it doesn’t bother me as much. i can do most of the day-to-day activities without hassle. even driving! but last week, it got a little evident that i need to get a new pair.

i attended a special lecture by Mr. Ed Fukada, formerly of JTWC (that’s the Joint Typhoon Warning Center in Hawai’i) on how they forecast typhoons. Even if I sat at the front row, I still had to tilt my glasses to read what’s on the projector. I have a newer pair (2 actually) but one has scratched up lenses and the other one’s frame is broken. I tried to DIY repairs but none lasted a day so I got stuck with my old pair.

funny enough, my father, wise man that he is, also lectured my eldest sister on the same matter a few weeks back with my sister’s eyeglasses’ frame taped up where the end piece and screw meet. he quipped, “may pambili ng aircon pero yung ginagamit pang-araw-araw, wala.” my sister defended herself saying, “i *am* already getting a new one! i just haven’t got time to go to the optometrist.”

now that i think about it, it’s just (again) all about priorities. some things take precedence over others. there are other more important things i guess than just a pair of glasses. besides, i was only reminded of them when i attended this lecture — not everyday. what’s a little discomfort when you can make others feel much much better? so yeah, i won’t be changing glasses anytime soon… unless my son turns them into another flying saucer or something. 😛


i checked my instagram and at the earliest, it was November 2017.

things i miss doing in UP

flashback friday na ba?

naalala ko lang dahil nagpost ang mga blockmates ko in college ng lumang photos — creative shots nung nagpa-grad pic kami. and then siyempre it triggered all this nostalgia of how simple and fun those days were. saka ko na-miss yung mga dating ginagawa ko as a young, dumb, and broke college student. (uy, puma-pop culture reference! LOL)

  1. bulaluhan/mamihan sa likod ng Narra. in those days, 4 lanes lang ang katipunan sa likod ng UP campus. ang mga nasa gilid ng kalsada, along UP’s fence were shops. may sari-sari store, carinderya, xerox, ID photo. at hindi ko makalimutan talaga ay yung almusal kong mami/silog/bulalo sa likod ng nara. nasa kanto yun mismo eh. light broth but full of flavor. and meat was so tender. naglaway tuloy ako. haha!
  2. movies sa film center. premiere night man yan o film festival, nakakanood ako ng quality movies (most of the time) for P40-P60! feeling ko noon napaka-high class ko na sa films dahil napanood ko ang Insiang, Son de Mar, Y Tu Mama Tambien, Farewell my Concubine. hindi man ako naging movie critic, na-appreciate ko naman at na-open din yung isip ko sa mga iba’t ibang konsepto na nakapaloob sa mga pelikula. so not the cinematography maybe but as a casual film-goer, i learned from their stories.
  3. performances at college of music. dahil weird akong tao na nahilig sa classical music, minsan nagpupunta ako at nakikinig ng performances sa college of music. minsan libre, madalas may bayad. one performance i will not forget was the Brandenburg Concerto performed on a newly donated harpsichord to the College of Music. authentic baroque music! WOW!
  4. theater sa Wilfrido Ma. Guerrero. lahat ata ng plays dito ko napanood. at dito ang baptism ng mga di pa nakakakita ng ari ng ibang tao na hindi nila kamag-anak. hahahaha! usually requirement ito ng mga GE (as in GenEd) profs sa freshies/sophies dahil magpeperform ang mga CAL/CSSP upper class students. in fairness naman, may mga celebs na nanonood minsan. dito ko din na-sight (dahil di kami nag-“meet” as in “hi, hello, how are you?”) in person sina Boy Abunda and then-President GMA.

anyway, ito lang naman yung 4 na bagay na nami-miss kong gawin ngayon. dati kasi ang daming oras na pwedeng gawin ito. kahit limited budget, kayang pagkasyahin sa baon kong P1000 every week (all-in na yon. pagkain, misc. expenses, at pamasahe papunta at pabalik ng pampanga).


i had my taste of independence and first-hand experience of self-reliance — in 5 out of 7 days when i went to a high school about 2 hours away and even more in college in manila. i had me, myself, and i to do things. i was away from my parents and siblings, and surrounded by friends and non-relatives that, well, don’t care for you like family would.

it was also a time of self-discovery — finding out what made me tick, and what ticked me off; what made me sick and made me feel better; what worked and didn’t work on me — because i couldn’t rely on others for those things. Continue reading self-reliance

♫ move aside make way, for Fireman Sam ♪

who knew i’d be this obsessed with a kid’s show? haha!

been an iflix subscriber for a long time now. (2 years maybe?) it launched in the Philippines maybe a year ahead of Netflix. they have some of the TV series that i watch and they have a ‘for Kids’ section that keeps our little one entertained. eh dahil nakakasawa na ang puro Blue’s Clues lang, nagtingin ako ng ibang pwedeng panoorin.

chanced upon this firefighter cartoon and played it on the TV. each episode is quite short, about 10 minutes each. “ok to. madaling i-end yung panonood pag tapos na ang isang episode.” wasn’t really impressed with the 3D animation. it looked like it was made with packaged software and put together by a college student — it was good enough but wasn’t as polished as say Pixar’s. even the short films!

apparently, it’s an old stop animation from the UK, like Thomas and Friends, and Postman Pat, that got 3D rendering updates. 😀 (check the old one out here.) Continue reading ♫ move aside make way, for Fireman Sam ♪

finding solutions… hopelessly