musings standing in a bus

matagal-tagal na akong hindi sumasakay ng bus pa-probinsya. simula nung nagkaroon kami ng sasakyan, iyon at iyon ang dala namin tuwing lumuluwas pa-Pampanga. it was probably last year that i did the same. pero weird na di ko maalala.

anyway, dahil (normal na) mahirap sumakay paluwas ng maynila tuwing linggo, pinagkasya ko na ang aking [malaking] katawan sa tayuang bus pa-Pasay. ginagawa ko na yon noong college… (which was over 10 years ago, imagine that! wow!) dahil no-choice at gusto mo na din makapag-settle down sa dorm for school the next day.

na-isip ko, having a good view of most of the seated passengers dahil nga nakatayo ako, may kanya-kanyang mundo talaga sa commute dahil sa cellphone. i didn’t get that impression in the morning trip going to Pampanga because i was comfortably seated beside a window. at that time, mas iniisip ko na na-a-appreciate ko yung view paluwas ng Pampanga because i wasn’t busy minding the road and the other cars. laid-back, chill lang… even if i was running a bit late. heheh…

in that evening trip nga, i saw how much of everything revolved around devices. the girl seated in front of me had a bunch of selfies in her Gallery app. another one was texting her boyfriend she was already on her way. (i wasn’t snooping around. you can’t help but be distracted by bright screens in a dimly-lit bus, OK? #defensivemuch) another girl standing along the isle with me had her Friends episode playing on her phone, while another movie (Nine Lives?) was in the bus’ entertainment system. (well, thank goodness it wasn’t karaoke!)

andami pang may kanya-kanyang bubble sa loob ng bus. most of the young people were the ones who held on to their devices while those who kept them in their pockets, save the occasional loud conversations on a Cherry Mobile feature phone. sabagay, ano ba naman makikita mo sa labas ng bintana kung gabi naman diba?

but then, how about interactions with other people? minsan nawawala pagka-sensitive naten sa mga tao dahil wala na tayong meaningful conversations because we have FB messenger as an excuse…

“nagcha-chat naman kami eh!”

pero i don’t think nothing will replace actual physical interaction. kahit gaano pa kagaling na VR yan o hologram. we’re in a tangible world for a reason. hindi sa The Matrix.

Mourning and weeping in this valley of tears.

endless, endless tears today…

much like when i heard of Courageous Catie, almost a year ago. and today, i’m doing the same thing again with another pair of little angels who’ve earned their wings.

this morning, A broke the news to me about Mighty Eli. and it reminded me that even when my son was discharged from the hospital, a healthy boy, and just turned 2 years old, it is no assurance that you won’t get sick.

Catie and Eli always remind me of that. and that makes me so fearful of the future and yet prayerful that we won’t experience it.

then this late afternoon, a cousin reacted to a post that i just had to click: Natalie was also called home. the words that totally broke me were these:

She’s currently being cleaned by her nurses, and then she’ll be placed in her father’s arms until her last breath.

If I were the father, i would be an inconsolable wreck. If relating to the father makes it already THIS painful, how much more if i were in his shoes…

so, now, i’m crying again at the office. (hope no one tries to check up on me again! haha! how embarrassing!) and i will pray for the little angels again, and for the parents and family they’ll be watching over from now on.

Tayo na sa Antipolo… at Tanay. :D

you know what i realized with this one? a nature getaway for the weekend is really really possible! plus, i got to know the limitations and capabilities of our car, weaving through the ‘bitukang manok’ (chicken intestines) of the foothills of Rizal!

so, this is the weekend getaway/birthdaycation gift to two of the important men in A’s life: our little bundle of kulit, and her father!

our first stop was the Antipolo Cathedral, a.k.a. the definitive destination for your car blessing. we didn’t go there to have the car blessed, but to hear mass. unfortunately we were a bit late leaving the house (as is common with pinoys, eh?) so i opted to go to adoration instead, albeit a quick one as the little guy was getting fussy outside the chapel.

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TIP: let yourself be guided to a parking slot if you are unfamiliar with the area. they’re really hard to find. we easily were found by one and offered us their homemade goodies. not sure if the prices were a bargain but the quality seemed pretty good as was the taste.

our next stop was the actual gift to the main celebrant: Pinto Art Museum. my father-in-law has a great appreciation for the arts, often looking at (and sometimes buying) paintings. no, these aren’t those “branded” ones — just the ones that he fancies (although i really think he wants one of them. i just don’t know yet his actual preference/ taste in paintings).

it was my first time in Pinto Art Museum as well. we still had our guide with us, leading our way in a scooter. we gave him P50 for the trouble although he didn’t ask for any. entrance to the subdivsion (road user’s/parking fee?) where the museum was located is P20.

at first, you would think, ‘yeah. this is nice and cozy.’ but once you explore it, you’ll need half a day or more to fully appreciate everything. and because it’s in antipolo, you have to be prepared for a lot of stair climbing. but the cool breeze and numerous resting spots help you get through the entire museum. we even had a snack in between our exploration of the entire place.

TIP: apparently, there are guided tours. perhaps when the little one isn’t little anymore, we could go with a guided tour to better explain the entire museum to us. i overheard a couple with a guide and the little trivia you’d here about the place would surely enrich the visitor experience a lot. Magpatuloy sa pagbasa

hold the bacon

it has finally come to this.

all you want is a BLT sandwich but you can’t have your BLT. you have to hold the bacon because it’s supposed to be bad for you.

WHYYYYYYY????

ayan na naman ako sa mga metaphors ko. hahaha!

but sometimes, life gives you this BLT but tells you not to have it with bacon. and because you care about life, you stop eating bacon. then you begin to feel lousy. you give up that slice of happiness for “something better”… to some, perhaps, but not you.

what’s the final analysis? well, i had this weekend getaway but never actually got a ‘break’ or a moment to myself. i was actually hoping for some time to reflect but i never got it. so the question on my mind right now is, “is giving up bacon really worth it?”

another year, another year worth of memories

anak, isang taon na naman nakalipas.

ilang gabing puyatan na naman, ilang diaper na naman ang pinalitan.

ilang damit na ba ang nilabhan? damit na bago at damit na kinalakihan.

ilang beses na rin ba kita napagalitan? pero lagi pa rin kitang pinapatahan

dahil isang tingin lang, alam kong wala kang kasalanan.

(pagod lang at stressed si daddy, ako nga dapat ang mag-sorry)

isang taon na naman ang dumaan. isang bagay lang dapat mong tandaan:

mahal na mahal na mahal kita.

pagbigyan mo na ako habang bata ka pa. dahil kapag teenager ka na,

itong mga ganitong bagay di ko na magagawa. 😛

i made a list

sign of aging siguro ito.

i’ve always been amused by my uncle who lives with us in pampanga and his record-keeping and labeling OC-ness. he would write his favorite TV shows schedule on a piece of ruled yellowpad and attached that to a clipboard and hung it near the TV set. all the small items he’d find during an engine build, he’d either stick to a flattened old cardboard box or in small baby food containers neatly labeled. it was approaching Batman’s OC-ness level!

now that i’m growing older myself, i find it more and more difficult to track things with just my mind. well, i could still track them but there’s an anxiety that builds which makes me worry that i forget something. or i might miss on an opportunity where i had a thought or idea about a thing that i wanted to share.

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or simply because i want so many things in my life, i might prioritize one thing over another because i just saw the other thing first thinking, “oooh, i want that,” without realizing there’s something more important that i could just buy at the same price.

so now, i made a list of the things i want. i actually have an online spreadsheet of my previous list but i keep forgetting to look at it so i decided i’d write them down so i could see them easily and maybe reorganize, reprioritize them. i think this will be in keeping with my ‘planning’ phase for the new year.

and what a relief. my mind seems to have been freed from cloudiness. i thought, “this must’ve been how the Pensieve would work in Harry Potter!” LOL!

it’s therapeutic, i think, that besides writing down thoughts in a blog, or speaking in a vlog, writing things down physically is really something else.

do you feel the same way? lemme know in the comments!

lifehack: set quarterly goals instead of new year’s resolution

i think i read this somewhere sa facebook. na imbes na #balikalindog2017 ang gawin, dapat #3PoundsIn3Months na lang. it makes the target more concrete and more doable.

kaya ngayon, feeling ko kailangan ko ng konting ‘retreat’ para makapag-reflect at isip kung ano ba ang mga targets ko this year.

as i type this, meron akong naalalang video ni Bud Brown, taking on a 30-day challenge to learn a new language. (i think he knows 10 languages!) he’s trying to learn Mandarin. ako naman, i want to learn Morse Code. i learned a few letters from Ham Whisperer but hardly made progress when it came to Lesson 3. 😦 and i’m sad and put it off for some time. maybe if i focus on it, i’d be better.

anyway, that’s one. perhaps. but i’m not sure. di lang naman kasi personal goal lang naisip kong target-in. pati na din siguro sa trabaho… i’m getting the “why am i still doing this?” vibe again and i don’t like that. kaya kailangang mag-isip ng pakulo. 😀

weight goals? hmmm… parang ayoko na. though i’m getting tired more easily day by day. kailangan na talaga maging mas active. hmmm… what activity could i do? and when should i do it? suggestions? Magpatuloy sa pagbasa