closing a chapter

i realized this over the weekend and found myself having a bittersweet smile on my face.

alam niyo yung last wish ko? finally, nagkatotoo na. but not in the way i had in mind.

my brother-in-law sold some land and bought a car. a van actually. so, yeah. i guess last wish granted?

it’s my sister’s family car so technically it’s not a wish granted but from my point of view, it’s what my dad would have wanted — a car that everybody can use and actually earn from (rent-a-van ba?). 🙂 Continue reading closing a chapter

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mamili ka, lindol o baha?

when i see this place in marikina, i begin daydreaming of living near the riverbanks since the LGU has developed it that it becomes a meeting place for a lot of people. there are a lot bikers, joggers, and people that just stroll around. street food abound in plenty but there are other options inside the mall…

then i remember that we’re in a valley, prone to flooding (hello ondoy) and earthquakes.

so NOPE.

still, it’s a little refuge in the city where not everything’s concrete.

i miss fiestas

ever since i moved to manila, i’ve missed attending fiestas, specially those from pampanga. the fiestas we are able to attend are those that happen on weekends — Sto. Nino and Poblacion. my parents’ and siblings’ fiesta, unfortunately, is not a “move-able” one — St. Vincent Ferrer which happens today, April 5.

i usually don’t have visitors since my friends are also residents in our barangay. save for one or two but one has already migrated to the US and the other is busy being a single mom. she arrives sometimes, sometimes not but mostly, visitors are those of my sisters’ (i wasn’t really a popular kid in gradeschool and high school. plus, most of them live far from my neck of the woods.)

i think last year or the other year was a bit ‘fortunate’ because it was within Holy Week. next year might be good for me because April 5 falls on a friday. i can still eat what’s left from those who visited in the morning! LOL

as for today, i will have to live with seeing the spread thru photos. *tummy rumble*

man, i wish i could have some asado right now. maybe i’ll cook a batch this weekend!

stop planning and start doing

i may have just figured it out: i’ve been stuck here ‘planning’ and wanting to do something rather than doing the stuff i want to do.

yeah, finances are a part of it but there are stuff that i want to do na di kailangan ng malaking halaga. part of my goal is to learn Morse Code. and i’ve been stuck for a while becuase 1. i don’t practice regularly and 2. i equate it with wasting time.

but it’s not wasted time. it’s time spent doing what i want.

i learned this other thing from my officemate where we both get frustrated while reading academic journals. parang ang dami kong hindi alam. so i think to myself that i have to read the reference they cited for me to understand what they’re doing. and my officemate’s supervisor told her, “your frustration comes from feeling that if you don’t know the intricacies, you won’t understand what they’re doing.”

and it was a lightbulb moment for me as well when she told me this story. and with that, i also learned that my learning comes from being an engineer/technician and not from theory (though theory is important). my blood comes from those who “do” — those who work with their hands. my parents, both teachers, seem to have added brains to doing stuff so i’m in the transition where i learn by doing and listening. but i’m partial to doing stuff. my search for *how* to do stuff should stop and i should *start doing* the stuff i want! for me to start learning!

breaking-up with Uber

yes, dahil feeling ko pinagkanulo ako ng Uber. gumawa-gawa pa ako ng post dahil sa maganda nilang serbisyo tapos after 4 years, ganito na lang? iiwan na lang ako? may pa-anniversary-anniversary gimik ka pa sa email na “Woohoo! 4 years na tayo!” tapos in the end, iiwan mo din pala ako.

why does it really feel like a breakup story?!

maybe it’s because i’ve experienced such great service and then i was hoping that this is what the future of cab commuting will be like: no choosy drivers, request from your phone and wait for his arrival. yes, Grab is an upgrade to the usual taxi but they are still able to choose passengers based on their drop-off location and (based on my experience during 1-month suspension of Uber), they force passengers to cancel their booked rides. also, Grab isn’t as customer-oriented. a complaint on Uber would almost immediately have them email you and ask about your unpleasant experience. with Grab on the other hand (based on my officemates’ stories), you’d be lucky to get a reply in a week!

So now, andito na nga tayo. I can still use Uber daw when I travel abroad where Uber is available. cheap, efficient public transport is available where i often visit. di ko kailangan Uber doon. besides, i don’t travel that much. i need Uber HERE. IN MANILA. BECAUSE REGULAR CABS ARE HELL (save for some great companies).

 

would my grandchildren be proud?

saw this photo on 9gag and i had to chuckle.

and then came dread. ano nga ba ang makikita nilang letrato ko sa hinaharap? i have this picture of my grandfather and i am definitely proud of him. eh paano naman ako?

i thought of Google-ing my name. may kapangalan nga pala ako’ng singer sa youtube. LOL. i guess there’s no claim to fame for me except my EPOD photo. pero i still have a long future ahead of me. (sana)

this made me think of, also, what would my son’s future be like. feeling ko kasi ang dami nang hindi natututunan ng kabataan ngayon like getting their hands dirty as i did at one point in my early years. iba kasi tingin ng tao kapag sinabing naka-enroll ka sa Tech-Voc course. i really feel that favoring STEM (science, technology, engineering, math) subjects over industrial arts (skills training) and the arts is a mistake. why can’t their development be parallel? dahil ang idea ba naten is S&T will solve the country’s problems? what use will it be if we lose our soul and identity? our respect for hard work and labor?

i just hope i’m doing things right with my son. and that someday, he can look back at pictures of myself, my father, and my grandfather and feel the same pride as i have.

normal is what you make it

wala naman akong ginusto kungdi ang mamuhay ng tahimik, matiwasay, at walang kaaway.
“chillax” lang. “steady” lang. isang normal na buhay.

mali pala ako. dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ang normal.

and in the few days of reflecting on it, i realized ‘normal’ is what you make it.

sa akin, normal ang manood ng sine mag-isa. normal ang maglakad-lakad na walang patutunguhan. normal ang tumingin sa malayo at mag-isip sa katahimikan. normal ang kumain ng isang pint ng ice cream o isang big mac meal kapag nalulungkot. normal ang matulog ng alas-9 ng gabi at magising ng alas-5 ng umaga. normal ang gumamit ng pinaggamitang mantika para sa sinangag. normal ang magkasakit ng 1 beses sa isang taon, at dahil bata-bata pa, di kailangang dalhin sa ospital. (actually, i’ve only been admitted once when i was an infant. i’ve never had to return to the hospital since.) normal ang mag-“hang out” sa bahay lang. normal madumihan ang mga kamay sa kung ano-anong ginagawa — gardening, kutingting ng electronics or makisawsaw sa pagme-mekaniko ng tatay at tito ko. normal ang amoy ng gasolina — dahil nasasabi ko lagi, “ang bango,” pag nagpapa-gas ako ng kotse ngayon.

then i see my life now and these are no longer the normal things in my life. in my memory, they are, but my life is different now. i have a new normal. and i have to settle that with my self and make my life ‘normal’ again.

finding solutions… hopelessly