whatever will be will be

i’ve been watching a lot of philippine expat videos on youtube a couple of months back and have come across Ned and Michelle at MyPhilippineDreams.com where Ned does these little videos on Philippine Psychology and he briefly discussed “Bahala Na” in their latest one.

and indeed, there are two sides to it: one of fatalism and the other of apathy.

nakaka-walang gana to do anything. so you might as well just do whatever and wait and see what the outcome is.

there’s no longer anything to drive or inspire you. “whatever will be willΒ  be” as the song goes. you just sort of give up and just try to float.

i guess that this is because of a number of things happening simultaneously, again, in my life where i’m overwhelmed. it’s like drowning in a very turbid ocean, waves coming in. each and every time you try to swim, put your head above the water, barely catching another breath until the next wave pummels you and sends you underwater again. i just can’t get a break!

so now, i’m giving up paddling, i’m giving up treading, i’m giving up struggling. i’ll just try to float and see where this ocean sends me. either i survive it or drown.

*deeeeeeeeeep sigh*

Tim Ho Wan: for the refined diner a.k.a. not me!

di ko alam kung dahil ba may anak na kaming kasama kumain kaya di ako maka-focus sa pagtikim ng pagkain o sadyang di lang ganoon ka-swak sa panlasa ko yung inorder namin. but if this restaurant chain earned a Michelin star, then you’d think it’s gotta have good food! well, maybe to my untrained palate, hindi importante kung may Michelin star o wala. hahaha! #pureza

we headed out to Uptown Mall in BGC because we knew there was a Tim Ho Wan branch there. buti na lang nauna na yung sa SM Megamall and I think the hype has already died down, so too with the long waiting line to be seated. kami, in 5 minutes nabigyan na ng upuan. can’t really remember what we ordered in July (yes, noon pa to. ngayon ko lang na-isip i-blog) but i think there were glass noodles that were kinda like pancit and japchae-ish, shrimp dumplings, fried tofu, lugaw for the little guy, and the ever-popular pork buns.

nabitin ako dun sa pancit japchae (yeah, that’s what i’ll call it from now on) and the lugaw was matabang, as expected. the shrimp dumplings were the highlight, actually. mahirap lang kainin with chopsticks! haha. if i could, i would’ve traded the other stuff for the dumplings. the pork buns were a surprise. in my head, i’m saying, “i’ve had this before. i know i have. but where?” but for the life of me, di ko maalala. but they are really good, soft, and light, and the crusty outer shell was delightful. still, it somewhat bothered me that i think i’ve tasted something similar before. even now, i can’t seem to recall what or where or nag-i-imagine lang ako!πŸ˜›

so yeah, if you want good dumplings, Tim Ho Wan is great. lugaw? stick to your pinoy lugawan by the street. pancit? mag-Lucky Me ka na lang.πŸ˜› but that’s just me. i’m just a poor boy with pedestrian tastes.πŸ™‚

traveling is <3

no wonder mga galing ng developed countries eh nahilig mag-backpacking trips. you get to see the world and learn from it — the people, the culture, the good and bad.

sa local travel, medyo ok-ok pa tayo lahat eh. it’s like going to a family member’s home. bibisita lang. same pa din (halos) yung ugali so adjustment isn’t really a thing much. except for language siguro. pero mostly, you’ve got living and communicating down pat. iba pag sa ibang bansa.

my first trip outside of the country was to India. and it was a solo trip. exciting and scary at the same time. pero it kinda set the tone for my traveling experiences which is generally well and good. there are instances na maba-badtrip ka sa kapwa mo pa pinoy pero brushing it aside and focusing on the adventure that lies ahead, mapapangiti ka talaga.

the next trip was a barkada trip to Malaysia and Singapore. yun ang adventure talaga. may plus and negative sides ang traveling in a group pero it’s generally more fun. you get to share experiences and when you meet each other, you have that shared memory that you can talk about when you’re all old and grey.πŸ™‚

yung sumunod, another ‘business’ trip. more of study actually because like my first trip, it was for work. lumevel up na nga lang ang lolo niyo: Europe ang destination ko! and it was truly something else. ever since, i’ve been bitten by the bug and wish to see it again as often as i can. and it only emphasized how much Manila could have been such a great city if we appreciate history as well as Europeans do, and plan our cities like they do.

finally, my last out-of-the-country trip was the funnest yet: family bonding in Hong Kong. there, we met-up with my niece and her family and became our unofficial tour guides and travel coordinators, LOL! the highlight, of course, was going to Disneyland. just walking the street with music you’re oh so familiar with brings a wide smile to anybody’s face. i just felt like a little kid again! nevermind the long lines. i was in “The Happiest Place on Earth” and i was really REALLY having a blast and that’s all that mattered!πŸ™‚

kung di mo lang talaga iniisip ang gastos, masayang i-explore ang mundo natin. it feeds your eyes and your soul. it creates that feeling that you’re connected to these other people you don’t know. and the thing is, when they share their country with you, you share your own with them.

pagod lang

sabi nga sa kanta ng eraserheads:

1457978273330and you just keep trying, and trying. even if naiiyak na ako ngayon. iniisip ko na pagod lang ako (kahit na long weekend! haha!)

naiiyak dahil you get that feeling of never doing anything right. naiiyak dahil you have that feeling of making a wrong decision. naiiyak because of frustration dahil akala mo that that was the right decision.

to remove the vagueness of the post, ganito kasi yun: (1) A has allergies. and a lot of things trigger these allergies. (2) we’re living in 2 houses because of our situation with our toddler — our current house and the in-laws’. the temporary schedule is: weekdays at in-laws, weekends at home.

aside from the toddler, A isn’t keen on staying because the house isn’t in tiptop condition. bawal siya ma-stress kaso nase-stress siya sa bahay.

anyway, for a time, she couldn’t sleep because of the heat of summer. i was hoping to get the A/C repaired but in the end, we bought a new one instead. got sick a couple of times the past few months so everything seemed to just go downhill from there since i couldn’t maintain a cleaning and fixing-up schedule. piles of clothes, both dirty and clean, were just lying around. and not soon after, monsoon season started and we’ve been having leaks all over the house. and with not-so-good ventilation, you get molds soon enough specially when the sun don’t shine for a while. of course, you can imagine the amount of stress A encounters everyday coming home to such a messy house.

she can’t do anything about it since she’ll fluff up the dust and cause her more allergies.

mean time, i was swamped because of the backlog of things to do since i got sick. i never got to fixing it and maintaining any of it. i’d keep it one day and then just forget it the next.

so now, a sort of ‘compromise’ is set — we spend weekdays at our in-laws, so she can still relax a bit and not just be a solo-parent at home with our son, while getting things done in the house. on weekends, we get to sleep in our own house to give lolo and lola a break. this is actually just step 1. the real plan is to move in completely after renovations are made. we’ll live in the 2nd floor and lolo and lola will be on the ground floor with tito. the other house? it’s going to be a garage for the mean time.

today, A asked me to buy medicine. because her allergies are worse and are probably infected. (not to be too graphic: when you’re infected, your white blood cells get active and… you know what happens to infected wounds right?) so yeah. she attributes it to the beddings and pillows. and here i thought all along that sleeping comfortably in our airconditioned room was better for her to sleep in since our in-laws’ room was hot and humid even at night. what makes me feel worse is that she told me she was healing quite well when we spent our nights at our in-laws. every turn, every decision, a mistake.

the worst part perhaps is that feeling of uselessness. inutile. that she’s better off somewhere else. and that hurts.

either “meron” ako today or pagod lang ako.

siguro nga, pagod lang.

Dear Mama Mary

from DanTheManPhotography on Flickr. https://www.flickr.com/photos/37811085@N05/

from DanTheManPhotography on Flickr. https://www.flickr.com/photos/37811085@N05/

alam ko kaarawan mo ngayon. pero puwede bang ako naman humingi ng regalo sayo? i just feel i have this strong connection with you, considering pinanganak ako sa ospital named after you (Virgen de los Remedios). and i think appropriate naman dahil kailangan ko ng remedio.

una, peace of mind. hindi dahil may mga nagawa akong masama (meron pa din naman pero sa susunod na lang yun) pero dahil madami akong iniisip at inaalala.

pangalawa, naiisip ko na pera ang solusyon sa mga problema ko. tama kaya iyon? hihingi ako sa iyo ng direksyon kung tama ba o mali ang iniisip ko. kung para dito ba ako o para sa ibang lugar.

pangatlo, humihingi ako ng mahabang pasensiya at lakas sa araw-araw. nakaka-tamad, nakaka-depress. toxic. pero kailangan magpatuloy diba? tinatanong ko ang sarili ko “hanggang kailan ba itong dinaranas namin?” emotionally at physically draining kahit saan magpunta – opisina o sa bahay. kung hindi ko man mabago yung sitwasyon, hihingi na lang ako ng pasensiya at lakas.

panghuli, iyong hiling na din ng mga kasamahan ko at pamilya. maraming lumalapit sakin, nagpapa-sama sa dasal. akala nila yata ganun kami ka-close ng anak mo. (HAHAHA). iyong mga may problema din, sana pakinggan ninyo at sagutin. o gaya ko, habaan niyo na lang din ang pasensiya.

hindi na ako humiling ng “good health”… mukhang napapa-sobra na nga yata at napaka-“healthy” na naming mag-asawa.πŸ˜›

happy birthday! mwah!

nagmamahal,

bursky

Lazada sample authorization letter

been having some problems with delivery sa lazada for some time. maybe they’re stricter with their delivery policy because of some incidents (just maybe) kaya siguro hindi na nila iniiwan sa information desk namin yung mga items ko which, in the past, they did.

so now, i have to write an authorization letter just in case.

i’ll put what i write below. you can just copy-paste it if tinatamad kayo and palitan niyo na lang yung details.πŸ™‚

 

<date>

To whom it may concern:

I hereby authorize <insert name> (or kung di mo kilala, puweding ilagay, “the guard on-duty”) to accept deliveries from Lazada.com.ph under my name for Order # <order number>. I am attaching the confirmation email as well as a copy of my valid government-issued ID (puwedeng Driver’s License, Passport, PhilHealth, Postal) for identification purposes. Should there be a need to contact me, you can reach me through <phone number>.

Thank you very much.

 

Yours truly,

Mister Pogi/Miss Maganda

 

and then just sign it. of course, don’t forget to attach yung mga sinabi mong i-a-attach mo.

so far, i’ve got 3 out of the 4 items i had delivered. hopefully i won’t need to write another letter for the last one. sayang ang papel.

“the takers may eat better, but the givers sleep better”

i don’t know. this just resonated with me. (i hear that a lot. i just wanted to use it here. heheh)

seriously though, it tells me that in different aspects of life, i can be either a taker or a giver. inasmuch as being a giver sounds so noble, a taker has its place too in the grand scheme of things. perhaps the contrast is emphasized when the taker is a selfish one. on the other hand, a grateful and appreciative taker complements a generous giver. for a giver cannot give if the other does not take it.

but if we focus on what this particular quote wants to convey, then yes, i can agree totally with it. and relate to it completely. i may lose sleep from other things (such as worry, anxiety, depression?) but for the lack of giving? perhaps not.