finally caught it.

yep, sneezing again. i was thinking when i would catch the cold, with all the sleepless nights i’ve had. actually, i was a bit surprised i didn’t catch it earlier. but i guess that last night when i had coffee at 6, still up at 1 and then early to rise at 430 just did it. all defenses were down. and now, it finally got to me.

just when i had something important handed to me (the first time i’ve seen a document with the big “CONFIDENTIAL” word written on it and they mean it.), i had to have this cold. great timing!

and the funny thing is i had just started listening to Stuff You Should Know’s Operation Mincemeat podcast. na-excite ako. hahaha! i think i’m just beginning to become interested in war history. hala hala! heto na naman ako and my obsessions. :P

curious? here’s BBC’s documentary:

are you curious now as i am?

9:00 AM

you might never read this. or you might. i will not be sentimental. i won’t pretend to make profound realizations in life. all i know is that this same day a year ago, at exactly, EXACTLY 9:00 AM, you came into the world.

does that mean something? was there some rare planetary alignment happening while you were born? would that make you something more than you are?

maybe not. but know this: from the time we knew we had conceived you until this very moment as i write this entry thinking about you, we were changed, your mother and i. you may not understand yet when i say, “i love you.” you may not understand how deep and true those words are, but i pray you will when you have your own.

happy birthday, son. i love you.

life stories

a friend of mine had a lot to share today. in the span of 3 hours, my friend poured out a whole lot of things… even bombshells of events in her past. and honestly i didn’t know how to react. i could not imagine being in her shoes. and somehow, i felt that i am still lucky where i am right now, despite all these negative feelings i’ve had.

in a normal life, when you can’t run to your friends, family should be there to catch you. but what do you do when they don’t have your trust and confidence? who do you turn to when they don’t respect you?

i am, perhaps, broken but not as broken as her. we both still put up the happy facade, though, when we see others. until we learn to trust, that’s when the masks come off.

but for now, catch us smile. :)

usapang paglipad

an officemate will be leaving soon for the UK. his application was granted for a PhD degree under a grant from the British Council. and although he will obtain temporary freedom from work, his contract requires him to render service back in the country after obtaining his degree — 2 years here for each year in the UK.

but he says it’s a welcome break. at least, in 2 or 3 years, he is freed from everything happening here.

and i can only mutter to myself, “buti pa siya.”

mabuti pa siya, malakas ang loob pasukin iyong mga ganitong bagay. i don’t. mahina loob ko. i have a lot of insecurities and i find it difficult to see myself excelling in one area, or have a comprehensive understanding of one thing. so applying for higher education is a struggle. Magpatuloy sa pagbasa

purposeless walking

i’ve never heard of it but i do this kind of thing. but i think we have turned it into “malling”. window-shopping is a bit different because you are somehow intent on making a preliminary survey of what you want to buy. malling is just chillin inside a mall. you may eat, you may watch a movie, you may just sit in one of the benches. nothing is planned. you just want to roam the mall just because.

BBC says purposeless walking is dying slowly. and perhaps it is true even here. because we rush through our shopping. we have no time to enjoy the mall. time is a luxury no working class filipino has.

start. pause. play.

laging ganito ang tugtugin kapag new year. may bagong new year’s resolution na laging napapako. sasabihin, “start na ako bukas magbagong-buhay.” uulit-ulitin. hanggang makalimutan na nga. at kadalasan, ito yung mga #balikalindog programs. dahil nga party-galore and lamon-forever ang holiday season, laging kalusugan ang tinitingnan at kaagad napagdi-diskitahan na ayusin sa buhay.

well, i’ve had this problem for over 2 years already and it just can’t seem to break out of it.

mahirap talaga magbawas ng timbang. lalo na kung mahilig ka magluto at kumain.

it’s a dilemma, really. ayaw mo kumain ng madami… pero dahil nagluluto ka, natural na gusto mo sarapan yung luto mo. see the problem?

para hindi ka ganahan kumain, magluluto ka intentionally ng hindi masarap. it’s so counter-intuitive diba?

madaling sabihin na portion-control ang kailangan. madaling sabihin na disiplinahin lang ang sarili. pero ang hirap mag-balanse ng tamang timpla ng pagkain at tamang pag-kain.

Magpatuloy sa pagbasa