Heartbreak after heartbreak

I don’t know when it started. All I know is that I’m almost scared to browse my social media now.

A lot of things have weighted me down these couple of weeks. Maybe a little (or a lot) burned out after the past storms. Horrible images of the helplessness of my countrymen. And then there’s the work that needs to be done… that I’m struggling to figure out.

Yesterday, I catch the news of Fr. Tim Ofrasio’s passing. I never knew him personally but he had a presenceu during the Traditional Latin Mass he said in Ateneo.

Then today, I saw the letter saying my High School will be closing its doors. Or at least, the missionaries in-charge will be leaving the Archdiocese, leaving Chevalier School.

My High school may not be as well-known outside of Angeles City but it has become part of local history. Shutting it down is a tremendous pain to me with all the memories I have with it.

So it’s just one after the other. Ache after ache. Pain that’s almost swelling into tears that just haven’t burst yet. So the pain remains.

they loved each other

nakakaloka ang lahat ng bilihin ngayon. sinimulan ng Taal eruption, nagmahal mga isdang galing ng Batangas. and the lockdowns made it worse. just when we thought things are getting better as lockdowns ease, swine flu naman sumunod kaya nagmahal ang baboy. tapos dahil sa sunod-sunod na bagyo, ito namang mga gulay! MY GULAY!!!

kaya “they loved each other” which translate to “nagmahalan silang lahat!”

matawa ka naman sa dad jokes ko… 😛

tahanan

tahan Tagalog, to cease or to stop crying.

does ‘tahanan’ come from the word ‘tahan’?

similarly, Kapampangan for a place of residence is sometimes called ‘tuknangan‘ and it has the word ‘tuknang‘ in it, which also means ‘to stop’

this is just a personal reflection on how these words carry more weight today because a lot of people lost their homes. nawalan ng ‘tahanan‘ — the place where everyone is supposed to stop and find comfort from their fears, pain, and sorrow but can’t right now. 😢

thank you, bicol

is it insensitive na magpasalamat? is it not PC?

it’s all over the news now: bicol bore the brunt of Super Typhoon Goni (or Rolly in the Philippines) as it entered as a CAT5 typhoon. the weather bureau already warned of catastrophic damage but here in manila, all we got were smelly laundry and hungry residents without food delivery services mostly offline.

i don’t know if thanking them is the right way to show that we owe them something. they did not volunteer for this, though. but they were in the storm’s path first. and because we here in the metro are farther away, we did not feel this storm’s rage and power.

little by little, as people get their bearings and help and relief is on its way, we start to see what they had to go through via social media posts: in photos and videos.

this reminded me so much of yolanda. nothing but destruction. chaos.

that is why, i think, we have to think of ourselves as a country, a nation. we should be helping our fellow- Filipinos, us who were spared from it. we have an obligation to help them. we owe them our gratitude and respect.

are you an ant or a grasshopper?

Perhaps many are wondering, “Kahapon pa kayo nagbabalita ng bagyo. Eh ang init-init! Umaaraw pa nga!” #RollyPH

The point of this monitoring and early warning is preparedness — so you can still go out, buy necessities, stock up on emergency supplies, medicine, reinforce and fix what needs fixing, calmly evaluate what you need and evacuate safely — so that when the typhoon does come, we are ready and not panic at the last minute.

Remember, Noah built the ark while it was still hot & sunny. Then the flood came. The ant saved up grain while the grasshopper danced and sang all day. Then the rains came.

midlife crisis, here i come

the thing is, di ko pa nararamdaman (or in-denial lang ako) that i’m a few years short of my 40s. sa utak ko, nasa mid-20s palang ako… i still like the same things, i feel my attitude is still the same. although i catch myself saying more and more often, “tsk, mga kabataan talaga ngayon! noong panahon namin…” and that serves as my slap in the face. pampagising ba na hindi na ako bata, iba na ang may-ari ng mundo ngayon. you had your turn. iba naman.

although, i find myself more and more convinced that i am right being conservative… i still have my liberal leanings (specially where science comes in, climate change, covid response) though. so i guess i’m independent?

independent thinker, that’s what i’d like to think of myself. hindi freethinker (who are far liberal IMO) na feeling ko ay masyadong mataas ang tingin sa sarili nila. i still believe that i can still listen to other’s POV without having to judge them na parang napakalaking kasalanan ng mag-isip ng bagay na iba sa naiisip nila.

eh paki ko ba sa iniisip ng iba? they don’t feed me. they don’t do what i do. so bakit ko ba iniisip ang opinion nila at mga achievements ko when i’m nearing 40? why should i care? should i care? hay.

gulu gulu

you’ve probably seen this old clip:

yun lang kasi ang utak ko ngayon: gulu-gulu! XD

we did some rearranging again in the ‘home office’ since A will be moving her station out of the living room. prolly so we can setup the Christmas tree. 😀 it’s october already and no Christmas decors in sight in our home. yes, we play holiday music but no decors yet.

ang hirap kasi mag-celebrate sa ganitong panahon ng pandemya. parang pakiramdam mo na mali dahil ang daming namamatay at nahahawa eh. so there’s that part of you that wants normalcy and the other part that pulls at your humanity. ang gulu gulu talaga!

i’ve mentioned before that i’m a creature of habit. and i like my routine. i do like spontaneity at times but most of my life, i’ve stuck to a schedule. and when i rearrange stuff, it’s because i’m rearranging my mind… but when my mind isn’t ready, hay naku, gulu gulu na naman!

anyway, this is just probably from my gulu-gulu body clock. stayed up until 2AM, woke up at 730AM. didn’t get my afternoon nap so i’m pretty sleepy at 8 already. so i overate since i feel my body is craving for energy to keep me awake and not too keen on disturbing my fat deposits instead. hay. all i hope for today is a restful night. sana hindi na siya ma-gulu gulu.

Kundiman in the time of covid

‘Nay,

Found these on Spotify!

I discovered these songs and learned to appreciate them, along with Philippine folk dances, with your cassette tape collection for school. Now I can play them anytime, finding solace, remembering you, and praying you watch over us always.

I won’t be able to visit you now but I will soon. (Thanks COVID19! 😑)

brace for tomorrow

this is it! i’m off to the outside world!

ever since we’ve been cooped up in this quarantine, i’ve never been outside our city. the farthest i’ve gone was to the u-turn slot on kalayaan avenue going back to BGC to get groceries. i was being a responsible citizen of this country. i’d like to believe that in some ways i am a patriot and would actually like this government to succeed. and it’s painful to see that it is failing miserably.

after over three months, our economy can’t take it anymore. people can’t take it anymore. we need sustenance and the moneys we require to buy those can only be obtained through labor.

tomorrow, i’ll be going back to work to get some stuff that would help enable me to work from home more effectively. as it is, my job requires data: data that i have in my office PC. Magpatuloy magbasa brace for tomorrow

can you be an animal lover without being vegetarian?

it’s been something that i’ve asked myself but have not thought of hard enough. to me, you can be a pet-lover and eat meat. but you can’t claim to be an animal lover and enjoy steak and burgers.

to love something (or someone) means you also give that thing a lot of respect — enough that thinking about hurting, and moreso eating, it would be repugnant to you. that’s why i have this issue with people hating people eating dog meat but are perfectly fine eating a quarter-pounder from McDonald’s. or people asking horses to be saved because they are majestic animals but would order a filet mignon at a restaurant. and usually they stand behind ‘animal rights’ to defend their ideology.

well, that doesn’t fly with me. if you love pets then love your pets. don’t impose your belief on others who don’t consider Babe a pet; or Spot; or Luna.

if you’re vegetarian, well… then maybe you can say it’s cruel to eat animals. or keep them as pets. or use them for human tasks. but that’s fine. you do you. just stay away from my bacon.

finding solutions… hopelessly