i’m easily fascinated

looking for some ‘comrades’ on youtube who ride the Honda PCX in the philippines, i chanced upon a relatively new vlogger JayTripper. in one of his videos, he showed a resthouse-cum-resort on a beach in Pangasinan.

A saw me watching and said, “ay, hindi white yung buhangin. kung magbi-beach na lang ako, dun na sa pino atsaka white sand parang Bohol.”

i had a totally different take on it, though. or was i just being such a simpleton that a beach is a beach and the ocean is the ocean and that’s it?

i had a couple of nights to think this through and i recalled Richard Fenyman’s anecdotes about the beauty of a flower:

appreciation could be more than just skin deep — or sand size and color. i still appreciate how the waves interacts with the shore. it still relaxes me when they meet and make that wonderful sound. breathing in the air still gives a salty taste in your mouth. and looking around, you still feel the vastness of the ocean and your insignificance whether standing on dark or white sand.

i’m just easily fascinated by stuff and i like being around nature more, having more appreciation for it.

tag team

baka iba na ibig-sabihin ng ‘tag-team’ ngayon. noon, sa wrestling, kapag tag-team, 1-on-1 pero may alternate ka. you tag the next one para may kapalit ka kung pagod ka na.

pero in this case, ako yung na-tag-team… salitan lang ang mag-ina sa sakit. hays…

this was just 2 weeks ago. A has been feeling ill, body aches and fever, plus a flare up. We finally went to the hospital to have her checked, if it was dengue or something else. Fortunately, all results were good, and by that i mean it was safe for her to be taken care of at home. Only needed rest.

And yesterday, just before our afternoon nap, the little one complained of a headache and he felt his breath was hot. I figured it was nap time and so we had a couple of hours sleep. When I woke up, he was having a little temperature so I gave him some Paracetamol for it. It would also help with the headache. On the good side, he was very active — unlike his previous bout with fever and cough that he was really irritable and grumpy and lethargic. that was just over a month ago. *deep sigh*

i can’t seem to get a break can i? salitan lang. tag team.

Sugar high… Umay!

I found some expired condensed milk in the pantry yesterday. So naturally, I wanted to dispose of it right away… by eating it! LOL

Bata pa ako (or tayo, depende kung sino nagbabasa. Haha), paborito ko na kumain ng pandesal na may kondensada. Pagkaing pulubi sabi nga nila. Pero dala pa din hanggang pagtanda.

Anyway, ayun na nga… Ginawa ko na lahat para agad siyang maubos. Hinalo sa kape, nagsawsaw ng tinapay, tinimpla parang regular na gatas… pero meron pa din konting natira. May sugar high na ako… Pero parang mas umay na imbes na high. And the bad part is the crash afterwards.

It’s a bad combination. A little sadness and a sugar crash. Hope I sleep through it and have a better day bukas. My only joy in this? My toddler sitting beside me this late in the evening. 🙂

i dreamt of you

i dreamt of you last night. or was it the night before? i can’t remember anymore. we were just having a chat. a casual conversation. i told you we hadn’t talked like this in a long time.

and then everything just disappeared. i was awake. and i remembered you are not here anymore. you are in your forever happy place, with an angel with you.

maybe it’s nothing, maybe it’s something. i don’t know. and as i write this blog today, it only creeps in more and tells me one truth: i miss you.

can’t vlog, can blog

sabi ng post na nakita ko, yung mga Noisy sa klase noong High School eh sila ngayon ang sikat dahil sa pagba-vlog. sila ngayon yung malakas kumita dahil sa ad revenues ng YouTube. kaso, di ako ganoon. sinubukan ko for a while and i got a little burned out/stressed out… or kung ano-ano kasi pinag-gagawa ko kaya parang trabaho talaga siya. walang motivation.

but i guess mali lang talaga motivation ko: pera. i mean, from my POV, it’s “easy money”. shoot, edit, upload… that’s it. i can do it in my free time… or whenever i can lang. no pressure. but i was pushing myself a bit kasi maliit lang sweldo ng mga alipin empleyado.

then a couple of weeks back, i felt so burdened. it wasn’t just this ‘extra stuff’ weighing me down… i felt like life was just this big thing i didn’t want to deal with everyday. i wasn’t in a ‘happy place’ let’s just say that.

then i started to actively blog again, keeping the edit button off and the censorship scissors at bay. thoughts free flowing from my mind to my fingertips to the keyboard to the computer screen… and after a few days, i feel much better. not completely OK yet but i feel better because i am “me” again. i found myself again. i may not be able to vlog but i can still blog pala.

finding solutions… hopelessly