my desk isn’t mine anymore

i think this is my metaphor for what i am at the moment. nothing is really “mine” mine. i mean, look at it! how does a grown man nearing his 40s have a hello kitty tumbler as a pencil holder and a minecraft stone ore on his desk?!

see that hand holding the mouse? that’s not me, obviously. unless you think i have freakishly small  hands!

with me, right now, everything is shared. i share the desk and PC with my son as of the moment. i actually got the PC to be productive at home and some online learning for my son. little did i know it’ll be hijacked into a Roblox gaming machine. LOL

unlike A, our work hours are more relaxed. A has to get up by 6 or 630 for a video conference on her station at 6:45. and that’s pretty much where she’ll be the rest of the day since they have to to meet the 9-hour shift. meanwhile, i’d be getting up around 730 or 8 to prepare our meal for the day, buy breakfast (it’s either pandesal or pancit or rice, depending on our stress levels), and when the little boss wakes up, it’s time to feed him or playtime (again, depending on his mood).

as i try to check emails and usual morning work stuff (read news? hah! if you want to get an aneurysm or migraine), the little one “checks on me” whether i was doing work. (see? he’s boss around here. my boss at the office never does this to me!) of course, he was secretly spying if he could sneak a little game time.

of course, i oblige. A couldn’t do it on her office-issued laptop because of security reasons. the “isa lang ha?” becomes “after i collect this” and “i’ll eat here” and a whole litany of lines just to extend his time to play. (if this were one of those ‘pisonet’ or internet cafes, he’d be the one shouting “KUYA PA-EXTEND!!!” at the top of his lungs.)

finally when i get to break his firm grip on the mouse and keyboard mid-afternoon, he’d ask, “can we play hide and seek?” my eyes roll and my eyes glance at my phone notifications telling me i have 3 new emails. @_@ hala!

sometimes i play with him, sometimes i just don’t have the energy to. he begs, he cries, he whines. ultimately, what convinces me to play with him is that he has to have less screen time and this is the most we could do given the circumstances right now. otherwise, i’d be asking him to go out and we do our long walks in and around our barangay. i sigh in defeat, put on my kid hat, and shout, “come out come out wherever you are!” and pretend i don’t see his long legs stretched out on the sofa while the rest of him hides giggling under a blanket.

i guess ‘me time’ will just have to wait.

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