ulila sa ina

isa na akong ‘ulila sa ina’.

but last October 11, my mom quietly died in her sleep in the early morning. i was having a meal in the kitchen when dad called. they actually called A since i wasn’t answering my phone (it was on silent) and A asked me to go up to the bedroom.

the moment i heard my dad’s voice on the phone, i somehow had an idea what the news was. the phone conversation was serious and ‘all business’ — where the wake will be, what she’ll be wearing, etc. i didn’t cry. i was rationalizing to myself that it is how things are in the universe. and that it was a peaceful ‘going away’ and there was no looming shadow of death that weighed down the family. it was sudden and yet the consolation was that she got what she was praying for — no hospitals, no IV’s, no doctors, no pain — just a long, long sleep.

on monday after the funeral, i went back to work. i thought that because i was simply an employee and not a supervisor or boss of any sort, it was expected that you come back to work right after the funeral. i was surprised that office-mates were startled to see me back to work agad-agad. i think people expected that it’s after the pasiyam when you go back to work. but i didn’t really know so i went back to work anyway.

two weeks have now passed and i still feel some ache in me. at times, i feel like i’ve been gutted out. but work and life keeps me busy. and i’m sure that she would not want me to be miserable missing her but instead she would want me to remember her fondly that it would bring a smile to my face.

i said it once in this blog and i’ll say it again: I love you Ma!

P.S.

If you could, please say  a Hail Mary for her. Thank you!

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