whatever will be will be

i’ve been watching a lot of philippine expat videos on youtube a couple of months back and have come across Ned and Michelle at MyPhilippineDreams.com where Ned does these little videos on Philippine Psychology and he briefly discussed “Bahala Na” in their latest one.

and indeed, there are two sides to it: one of fatalism and the other of apathy.

nakaka-walang gana to do anything. so you might as well just do whatever and wait and see what the outcome is.

there’s no longer anything to drive or inspire you. “whatever will be will  be” as the song goes. you just sort of give up and just try to float.

i guess that this is because of a number of things happening simultaneously, again, in my life where i’m overwhelmed. it’s like drowning in a very turbid ocean, waves coming in. each and every time you try to swim, put your head above the water, barely catching another breath until the next wave pummels you and sends you underwater again. i just can’t get a break!

so now, i’m giving up paddling, i’m giving up treading, i’m giving up struggling. i’ll just try to float and see where this ocean sends me. either i survive it or drown.

*deeeeeeeeeep sigh*

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