an officemate will be leaving soon for the UK. his application was granted for a PhD degree under a grant from the British Council. and although he will obtain temporary freedom from work, his contract requires him to render service back in the country after obtaining his degree — 2 years here for each year in the UK.
but he says it’s a welcome break. at least, in 2 or 3 years, he is freed from everything happening here.
and i can only mutter to myself, “buti pa siya.”
mabuti pa siya, malakas ang loob pasukin iyong mga ganitong bagay. i don’t. mahina loob ko. i have a lot of insecurities and i find it difficult to see myself excelling in one area, or have a comprehensive understanding of one thing. so applying for higher education is a struggle.
and sa paglipat naman sa ibang trabaho, i’ve been in my current job for 10 years now. walang expertise, walang MS degree, walang publication. so if i start looking for a new job, it’s like starting from scratch — parang bagong graduate. and at my age, i don’t think companies will be too willing to take me on. so i feel very much stuck where i am right now.
i applied for work as i promised before to A. unfortunately, none of them came back to me with positive replies. which somehow cemented the above-mentioned perception i have of myself.
the last option, perhaps, is to just leave and fly. migrate and start fresh. then again, the same feelings and fears pervade. and perhaps amplified because of higher standards in other countries. so what good does going away do for me?
let’s hope that this year, i be enlightened.