still finding my way

i know it’s been a long time since i last wrote anything here. and i guess those who frequent my blog, no matter how small the population, began to get bored of seeing the same old article on the front. of course, those in search of the famous car logos have always been successful with google but those who read my content (again, no matter how scarce) might have just given up on my blog.you might have noticed, too, that i’ve just been posting song lyrics on my blog. yeah, i know it’s a pathetic way of updating a blog without really updating readers and just keep em guessing what you’re feeling or what you’ve been up to lately. *sigh* sorry for that.

once you start a blog, you have to keep it updated. it’s not enough that you keep it ‘clean’. part of maintenance is having the time to write in it. articles having enough sense about your activities throughout the day or things on your mind. and that’s where i’ve been failing these past few weeks.

stress got the better of me. i got sick, work started piling up, the end of the semester came and requirements for subjects kept on overwhelming. and my mind was as cluttered as my office desk. well, my office desk is still cluttered but it’s in a state of ‘orderly chaos’. but still, i will need time to fix it up.

from despair.com

from despair.com

i gave up on my acads this semester and it will haunt me forever, i know. it was just because it required so much from me that i just broke down at times and wished i could find a savior of sorts and help, if not save, me from the trouble. 3 laboratory exercises undone and one machine problem (akin to a final exam) unsolved. will there be a next semester for me? i don’t know.

here at work, there are now two other projects i’m asked to work on at the same time. one would be hazard mapping and the other, ionospheric observation and data collection. yeah, weird-sounding and geeky stuff but it’s part of the job. only problem is i can’t cope up with information being thrown at me. i was trained to be an engineer although i’ve always wanted to become a scientist since i was small. but maybe after 3 years of having a “routine”, burnout starts to set it. and then add to it information overload, not a good combination.

of course, there are other stuff that are personal in nature and i guess i just can’t blog about them right now. that’s one thing i hate about blogs. privacy (or lack thereof). it’s like you want to share what you feel to the universe but keep it a secret from people at the same time. now, how do you go about that on a blog? you can’t. even if it’s on a “keep this post private” setting. that’s when your notebooks/diaries become your friends again.

anyway, while we’re on the subject, i might as well promote miss toni’s contest. (you can tell i’m addicted to her blog with my numerous references to hers) she’s giving away a Moleskine notebook courtesy of avalon.ph. just write down in your blog what you would write in your Moleskine and then link back to her blog or leave a comment regarding the topic. simple as that. to the contestants, best of luck! 🙂

oh, yeah. by the way, i’m back. but don’t expect much yet, i guess. i’m still not me yet.

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4 Comments

  1. I can “feel” you in this post. Looks like you were in a very contemplative mode. =) School and work is fun and challenging. But have to take one step at a time. Patience and perseverance. =)

    I was especially smiling at the part when you want to share how you feel through the blog but at the same time you can’t. I’m constrained to protecting my anonymity. Which incidentally only partial anonymity now. For me, there’s no right or wrong to be a blog subject. As long as it’s coming from the heart.

  2. i’m going back to school this coming november, i hope i would be able to balance work and studies.

    about this part “it’s like you want to share what you feel to the universe but keep it a secret from people at the same time. now, how do you go about that on a blog?”

    – i feel the same, even if i want to write and express my self, i just can’t, i’m still a private person and still want to keep something for my self. I don’t have diaries because i’m scared i might lose it so i called for S.O.S, my bestfriend.

    btw i saw from sheng. TC

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