badtrip today; doubts last night

not the best day of my life.
nag txt ang ate ko at di pa daw tapos ang passport ko. kelan ko naman kaya yun makukuha diba? tapos eh kukuha pa ako ng ticket, and then yung passport. and it’s just 4 days before the conference! anak ng teteng. ang sarap magmura talaga…

bukod pa dun, meron pang nangyari kagabi. na hindi ko inasahan at hindi ko inisip na mangyayari. and it has made me re-think about everything between me and A. nililimusan lang ba niya ako ng hinihingi ko?

from how she acted last night, biglang naiyak yung loob ko. nagulat ako sa ginawa niya. the look of eagerness, the seemingly genuine interest. pero it was too late. hindi siya ganun. she seemed too eager to please. it appeared to me na ginagawa lang niya yun kasi gusto ko at hindi dahil ginusto niya talagang gawin. napipilitan. nagpapanggap. which made me question all the years that i’ve spent with her…

mas gugustuhin ko pang magmamahal ng di sinusuklian yung binibigay ko kesa nagpapanggap na minamahal niya ako. mabuti pa yung una, alam kong totoo yung nararamdaman niya. hindi peke. hindi nagpapanggap. totoo kahit hindi niya ako mahal. mas gugustuhin ko yun kasi ayaw ko ng nililimusan.

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