that’s all that’s in my wallet right now. and it’s only wednesday.

i just can’t seem to get a good grasp of money. i tend to spend and spend and spend until i realize that all i have is enough to last me the day before the next paycheck. although i still consider myself lucky since i don’t have a credit card because if i get a hold of one, i know i’ll just be in debt for the rest of my pitiful life.

the thing is, i’ve been told what to do already. i’ve read stuff that i should be doing. that i should SAVE and consider saving an expense in itself. but i just can’t seem to stop spending… this is my story.

whenever i get my salary, first thing i do is withdraw for my ‘week’s budget’, about P1,000.00. the same amount that i would normally spend when i was still in college. that should be enough for food, fares and some extra stuff that i need (or want) throughout the day.

but i never live within that P1,000 budget. i would always have to get more money for one reason or another. i let myself buy stuff i ‘need’. i treat some of my friends. i order the most expensive thing on the menu or try on something new since i have the means. “ngayon lang naman ‘to eh.” then i realize after everything that i should be paying for bills and contributing to the expenses at the house. i ‘set-aside’ the money and still say to myself, “it’s ok. there’s still some left for next week.” but there almost never is anything left for next week.

and still, i have this ‘wish list’ — things that i really need but are too expensive to buy within one’s pay-period. not one peso has been saved for these necessities. i’m terrible with money aren’t i?

i’ve always had this resolve inside me. “next paycheck” i’d always say. “next paycheck, i’m saving up for ________” so in 2 months, i would have accomplished something, bought something that i actually need. but it never happened in the two years that i’ve worked.

some say that it’ll come to me. some say i can do it. some say that it’s normal since i’ve spoiled so many other people before that i should be spoiling myself now. but i realize that spoiling myself can wait. the question is how will i force myself to do it.


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