post for monday on a tuesday

sori ngayon ko lang mapo-post ito. kasi kagabing bangag ako saka ko lang na-type ito.

enrollment na naman. at wala na namang kuwenta tong mga ginagawa ko. it always has to start on mondays.

una, this morning, i was so depressed and lonely. feeling ko eh lagi na lang akong nag-iisa (pasintabi kay Gary Granada). ever get that feeling that you’re a lost puppy wanting someone — anyone in fact — to take notice and care for you even for just a little while? yung naghahanap ka ng attention pero you don’t go around biting and hiding your amo’s tsinelas or anything. you just sit there patiently waiting for someone to take notice. and man is that depressing.

depressionanother note on depression: masarap may kasama. when i came to the office this morning, there was a bit of a drizzle. dahil yan kay Kabayan. ako itong si timang (pasintabi ulit, kay Tim Ang naman) at kadramahan forever, nag-feeling nasa pelikula nila ni john lloyd at bea alonzo, naglakad (the pasyal-pasyal sa luneta park on a sunny day type of lakad) at nagdadrama habang papunta sa opisina. natural, basa ako. si kuya philip na din nagsabi na “magkakasakit ka niyan!” ang sagot ko, “OK lang!” pero sa loob ko eh mega emo ako. “i’m depressed so piss off!”

but then natuwa na ako nung dumating na ako sa opisina. pinatila ko lang saglit ang ulan pagkatapos eh tumawid na ako sa kitchen este conference room sa kabilang building. my officemates were just having their lunch at 1pm. tinanong ko nga baka nag Daylight Saving Time na ang Pilipinas nang di ko nalalaman kaya ganun. apparently there was a private fashion show (may mga damit na sinukat kaya na-delay ang lunch). but there was company (coffee to be exact) and people.

perk-me-up ko yata talaga ang brewed coffee at tsokolate. kahit paano eh natuwa ako. may mga taong kasundo ko ang nakakaintindi sa akin sa paligid ko. tumatawa pag tumatawa ako. at nagpapangiti saken kahit ganito ang pakiramdam ko mula kaninang umaga.

kahit si A eh inaaway ko sa depression ko. like it’s her fault. i AM blaming her partially. may hinahanap ako eh pero walang nangyari. di rin maibigay kaya ayun. but i’m OK now and that makes all the difference. di nako irritable. di na ako (gaanong) depressed. mas madali na akong kausapin. i guess she felt relieved na din since all is almost back to normal. then again, kelan pa ba ako naging normal?

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