nauso na naman ang trending sa txt messages. ang huling naaalala ko eh yung mga knock-knock-cum-complete-the-sentence jokes.
por exampol, to quote a GE professor: hito… <pindot pababa 100x> …ako, basang basa sa ulan…
isa pa: kamuning… <pindot, pindot, pindot…> get me, get me, get me. baby i’m yours, kamuning get me.
pero ngayon, ang star ng ating mga cellphones ay si inday. lingid sa ating mga kaalaman eh summa cum laude pala siya nung undergraduate siya at may master’s degree sa English Literature at Ph.D. sa Physics, at nag-post graduate pa sa <in a Miriam-like accent> Haaaahvaaahd…
ang kabilib-bilib dito, may isang nag-ipon ng mga ito! (yun yung punch line. sige na, tawa na please?) so just to share Inday’s wit, i’ve decided to post them (since wala akong magawang productive today)
“don’t limit my capacity in the 4 corners of this luxurious abode. expose me to the real challenges of the outside world. i want to grow as an individual with dynamic experiences.”
-inday, nagrereklamo kase ayaw sya isama sa enchanted kingdom.
“i pity you for you have degraded your very own pride and dignity by resorting to this despicable behavior just for the sake of having something to feed your fetish appetite for wealth and i hope that one day you’ll be rational enough to realize that you should not use other humans as means in the attainment of your ends. as what the great philosopher kant uttered, “treat a man as an end in himself.”
– sagot ni inday sa dugu-dugu gang na tumawag sa bahay ng amo niya.
“Ipomea aquatica has become the constant ingredient to this Filipino delicacy which is very helpful in the digestion during the peristaltic process of the food we intake. Due to the continuous rains and floods, the harvest of the said vegetable has lessen the production in the market.”– banat ni Inday kung bakit walang ?kangkong? sa nilutong sinigang
“Heavy fire that exerted by the stimulus affect the best conductor of heat which is the steel, causing the ‘oriza sativa’ which is the scientific name of rice to change its state of color, smell as well as the taste.”
– sagot ni Inday nang tanungin siya ng amo kung bakit nasunog ang
“Off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such unabashed display of vagrant destitution!”
– si Inday, pinapaalis ang makulit na pulubi sa gate? (Taray talaga ni Inday!)
“Allergens triggered the immune response. Eosinophilic migration occurs to the reaction site and release of chemotactic and anaphylotoxin including histamine and prostaglandins. These substance results to increase circulation to the site promoting redness.”
– sagot ni inday nun tanungin ni sir kung bakit may rashes si
“sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they stay. leaving can be a tough act and it’s harder when people can’t understand you for doing so….”
-comment ni inday sa pag-alis ni angel locsin sa gma
“In my opinion, it is just for the legislature to hear that actual controversy. Every Filipino deserves the right to information as provided for in our Constitution. We need to know whether or not the president rigged down the prior election which can be deciphered by that alleged wire-tapped conversation of the president and that former comelec commissioner gar-zil-ya-noe…”
– comment ni inday habang nanonood ng tv patrol. mapolitika din pala ang ate mo! Haha
“Please.. It is indeed reprehensible for us to have carnal knowledge. If you be adamant to unlawfully intercalate your limb into my citadel of pleasure I would be legally responsible to allege this juncture to your spouse.”
sa tagalog: “koya wag po. magsusumbong ako kay atih. – INDAY
“La vida no es una broma actualmente. El dinero es tan duro de pasar. Puede usted bajar el precio parci mi? Soy ya su comprador avido diario. Por favor?”
– Si Inday tumatawad sa merkado nang isinama siya ng amo sa Espanya.
” Listening to d nonsense sum1s life
is a pathetic way of entertainment..
it doesn’t contribute 2 d good of society..
i hate character assassinators..!”
-INDAY nagrereklamo nang machismis sya ng kapitbahay.
“I must reiterate that this career requires hard work, dedication, attention to detail, and a caring disposition. However, with perseverance and my guidance as a senior member of the workforce, you shall surely succeed.”
—Kausap ni Inday ang bago nyang kasamahan na katulong
” The consistency was fine. But u see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride (NaCl) affected the taste drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.. “
-INDAY nag e-explain kung baket maalat ang ulam
“bloody hell!!!! What the
fuckdid just land on my cutie top? I mean i’ve spent all day just to make myself look fabulous. I think ill have this eewy thing removed in a whip wham of time!”
— reaction ni Inday nung matalsikan sya ng mantika habang nagluluto ng TILAPIA…
“Stop your raucous behavior, It is bound to result in property damages and if that happens there will be corresponding punishment inflected upon you!”
— Inday, pinagbabawalan ang mga bata na wag maglikot!
“the oil normalizing series specifically designed for my oily skin not only works physically on the skin surface, but penetrates deep into the skin layers to normalize oil secretions, for a healthy and long lasting, shine free skin,,,”
– sabi ni inday habang nag papahid ng chin chan su,,
“it’s 4 AM and I need to get off from bed. If I have to change the world and make it a better place, what perfect moment than to do it now. When you just sense the need to do things you love, it won’t make you feel enslaved.”
~ Inday, alas-kwatro ng umaga, kinakausap ang sarili bago bumangon sa kama.
“Nurture others with positive, truthful words, not words that hurt. It doesn’t cost anything to do so. But mean what you say , and say what you mean. Do it everyday. This is one of the obvious qualities of the most beloved people. If you cannot be generous financially, at least be generous with your words.”
– yan ang cinabi ni INDAY nung di cia pinautang at pinagmumura pa ng amo nya…. ahaha
“It’s absurd! It was never a fact that he will start a fight. I can only imagine how you can handle schizophrenic kids on this educational institution Revise your policies because it sucks!”
– INDAY kasama si Junior sa Principal’s office (tulala ang principal)
“Physical stress and excessive work may result to serious damage to ones body. it is therefore essential that once in while we take a break from our usual routine to replenish d lost energy we once had…”
– sabi ni INDAY sa amo nya nung humingi sa ng DAY OFF!
“I love sleep. Its the only time I float in nothingness. No sadness to consume me. No happiness to overwhelm me. No fear to overcome. No norms to conform to. A place where time is but a concept. Reality is bent and will is just waiting to happen. A place where everything’s twisted and in it I find peace”
-inday after ng trabaho
“Physical stress and excessive work may result to serious damage to one’s
body. It is therefore essential that once in a while we take a break from
our usual routine to replenish the lost energy we once had.”
– sabi ni Inday sa amo noong humingi siya ng dayoffDear Sir/Madam,
Attached herewith is a list of proposed acquisition in line with my proposal to upgrade your household facilities. I have already made initial survey of current market prices. Note however that prices could vary depending on the prevailing exchange rate and aggregate supply and demand which we also monitor on an hourly basis.
— si INDAY, nagpaalam para mamalengke!
Had it not been for the smelling salt, I must have collapsed moment ago. Junior has become a little monster to me. Remember the head accident he had? As if it wasn’t enough, he was summoned by the principal of his shabbily run academe. Oh, such an erudite bunch of baboons! I never thought being a governess can be such strenuous employ. Your daughter Inday
Walang hiya ka! Magpadala ka ng pera! Nasa ospital nanay mo, dumugo ang ilong kababasa ng pesteng sulat mo!
more of INDAY..
“stay awake in the coldness of the darkened sky contemplating why, for some reasons, has my emptiness made itself manifests, extending to that niche where I was given life and growth, that because of austerity I was made separated from?”
– Inday, hindi makatulog dahil nahohomesick
“I am solitary. I find it hard to succumb into slumber, though the downpour of rain should’ve made it easy. This exuberant emotional glue I have for you, cannot be simply washed away. The multiplicity of what I feel for you is inevitable. This isn’t platonic. It’s real, true romance.”
– Inday, nageemote sa may bintana, habang iniisip si Dodong, ang boyfriend niya
“The statute restricts me to love you but you have the provocation. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of. We have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!”
– ganito nakipagbreak si Inday kay Dodong (driver ng kapitbahay)
Conversations with inday
Amo: Inday bumili ka nga ng mga isda.. o nga pla inglesira ka? would you please purchase many fishes for our this week?s meals?
Inday: Judging from your statement I believe you meant a variety of fish. The term ?fishes?, although rarely and even erroneously used, connotes a plethora or an array of different kinds of the aforementioned gilled creatures. But the more pressing questions before I traversed the road to the wet market would be: What certain type of fish? Fillet or not? Frozen or just right smack the day?s catch? (Pauses) Aaah? by manner of careful
extrapolation, given the meager budget in this household’s quasi-peasant middle class taste, I assume then I will source the staple ‘galewng-gowng’.
Am I correct?
Inday: You meant the freshwater milkfish? Then the ‘ba-ngooz’ is it!
– – – –
*Drunken shrimp and blue lobster meat with caviar serve with milagrosa rice (red avriety) and apricot sauce
*Vegetables in balsamic vinegar splashed with extra virgin olive olive
*Lychee and peach salad with sour cream cheese topped with lemon zests
– baon ni Junior sa daycare na inihanda ni Inday
Amo: Day! Bakit may bukol si Junior?!
Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy’s cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.
Amo: (Di nakareact)
– – – –Mister: Bakit tuwing pag-uwi ko, nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng TV??!!!
Inday: Because I don’t want you to see me doing absolutely nothing!
– – – –
Misis: Inday, bakit mo binenta yung sirang silya?
Inday: I have computed the chair’s fair value less cost to sell, and the value in use using projections for 5 years and a pre-tax discount rate. Accordingly, the value in use is lower, so I decided to sell the chair. This in accordance with PAS18 on Revenue, PAS16 on Property, Plant, and Equipment, and PAS36 on Impairment of Assets!
Misis: ADIK ka talaga Inday!