what is stress with a capital S?

“not enough vitamins.”

yan na yata ang motto ko ngayon. i’ve felt tired all week long. my officemates feel it to and we attribute it to all the new things that started this monday.

nagkaroon ng ‘rigodon’ when we started hiring people, moved some around, and had visitors come in last monday. and i have a new person to work with. iniisip namin nga ngayon na this is just the adjustment period… been having conversations in my head and trying to think of things to do next. nakakapagod pala pag naka-“on” lagi ang lahat ng nasa utak mo.

and then there’s the renovation for the house. i’m sort of stressed kasi inabutan na ng tag-ulan. hindi naman makapagpa-trabaho pero kailangan na kailangan nang magpa-ayos ng bahay. and even thinking about how to move things is just putting a lot of strain in the far corners of my brain.

kaya gaya kahapon, napa-stress-eating-galore kami. ordered McDo. well, di naman talaga stress-eating. basta, naghanap lang ng medyo comfort food. convenience of food delivery seemed to be the answer. di na nga din namin naisip kung ano talaga gusto naming kainin. “kahit ano, basta delivery.”

ano ba psychology ng ganoon? reward for hard work? having control over someone/something? Schadenfreude? (“look at me! i’m rich and i can afford to have food delivered, not like you manong delivery guy na malamang ay minimum wage.”) UGH! i feel terrible again.

feels like nothing right is happening.

it’s not true though. but it feels really convincing.